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One Star for Destiny [One Cloud for Change] |
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I think of your face and I'm really not so sure what to do these days. My thoughts continue to return to you, despite never being to certain about why exactly. You look at me and talk to me without a single thought for who I am, and I have never considered that could be the wrong way of going about this. Have you ever mused about the foolishness of your actions; your constant talking to me? Have you never once considered shutting me out?
A silent watcher. That is how you...my beloved....see me. I feel your ghosts move around me, and I feel their embrace and yet I am powerless to return these kindnesses to you. I remain inept....how foolish of me to think that I could ever stand a chance of real connection. Someone like me? A true and real and believable connection. I lack what you need, and yet....and yet.
I am all that you need.
I know this is a fact, based on your returning nature...and that odd look you get in your eyes. Your lithe finger tips dancing across my skin...frail, yet powerful by their own merit. One who embodies strength the way that you do...should not be forced into such an ugly and hard to control form. Yet...you are more organic than most, so I suppose I can forgive the Gods.
You never smile. Something I have always been alright with because your words smile for you. As do those beautiful dancing fingertips.
Keep on dancing.
I heard your voice, just once when I was so fortunate as to be paying attention. Treasure it, carry it, protect it....all that I want to do with your voice is hear it over and over again. The tonality of it....the rise, the fall...every beautiful musical note. I wanted to hold your voice forever and call it my own.
I do not have a voice. That is not your concern.
I wonder if you ever wish to hear me. I muse on this though, as I watch you, leaning against me. You call me strong, perfect...I believe you even used the terminology of 'saving grace'. I do hope you know that this is false. I am nothing.
You will take that the wrong way, won't you. I suppose someone like you cannot be expected to read into those words. Or perhaps you read into them and found the truth less desirable so you left it alone. Your nature is so confusing...and your sureness of your choices constantly leaves me guessing in ways you can never imagine. However, as I did say, I am nothing. I do not possess a voice that should capture the attention of all fair-folk....or even of the less fair. I stand tall and strong because that is what I HAVE to do, not because I care to. I am no angel, no saving grace, and certainly no perfection rests inside my soul. My soul....
I will leave that thought for you to ponder on. Why should I give you all the answers? Seek them out for yourself if you truly desire them. If you don't...then I was right to never share them. You did not want me anyway. Just what I had to offer.
Do not worry for that is equally alright as all that you do is. True enough, you no longer have the excuse of youth. But then again is youth really an excuse, or simply fact? One more thing for you to ponder. But you are not blinded by youth, or even immaturity. However, it is also true that your only interest is in what I can give. I do not wish to gain from you in the same way...we are not the same and therefore cannot gain in the same way.
If you wish to feel as if this is a fair exchange then I will give you this. I have your company. Did I need anything more? I would have asked.
I do not lie to you. Though I do not give you the truth so easily. I gave you all that you needed so please do not ask for my truths, you would not enjoy them. Perhaps you would pity me. However what good does pity truly do? I suspect that your pity would leave me more bound than this situation of mine does. As I do want something more from you.
I suppose it would be wrong to ask....your rules are always so much more confusing then my own. I prefer a simple way.
So let's just leave the world as it is. You at my side, and me at yours.
 Evelie Harte · Sat Jul 10, 2010 @ 06:33am · 0 Comments |
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