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didn't even have a nap yesterday, so i don't really know why i feel the need to be up at 2am. :l

in any case, i'm researching some stuff. (and each time i wake up my laptop i thank my lucky stars that i got it... hah x3) found some honest student college reviews (yes, that's pretty much been the theme this week... had a gut feeling that i was missing something, so i did some musing and have re-aimed my cannon. hopefully in the right direction...??), some didn't surprise me, while others did.

didn't realize how hard it would hit me that if i go to one of my top choices i can't have a car my freshmen year. gonk helllllo? i've been raised in the middle of NOWHERE, how the hell can you expect me to live without my only mode of transportation?! my connection to LIFE?!

crying

well now it's either live in a suburb of the Cities, or in the middle of (another) cornfield. -.- i just don't know.

food's not really great at either of them, lol. but at one, each dorm has their own kitchenette. :]

i seriously need to just think about this some more. that's what my heart is really begging for right now............ just more time to think, to feel things out. i will probably go with my gut feeling once it comes right down to choosing which one, but right now that doesn't even know what its doing.

*facepalmsmear* if only there was some obvious, like, 'PICK ME, I'M THE BEST FIT FOR YOU!' sign somewhere..... sooner i get this figured out, sooner i can start thinking about other things beyond that. through an indirect conversation (status bubbles ftw) with someone here i came to the realization that, yeah, dreams do exist.

psychological analysis of myself revealed i have several dreams. One of which is to live on the west coast, another is to compile a list of everything i want to do before i die and DO all of the things on that list. Like go horseback riding and own a crossover.

thinking about that as clearly as i can at this hour, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense written down.

xD

too bad. i get it. idgas if anyone else does. two separate ideas, one more permanent than the other.

tomorrow agility at 6. wondering how to get out of showmanship..... ?? i tend to hide in the shadows anyways, so it shouldn't really be a big deal if i just up and leave.

hope the irises will be okay.