My First Carl Fontier Skys Run
Perparation
Airship Model:
Kestrel
I figured it would be safest if I spent the shortest time with Carl.
Don't tell him that.
Airship Name:
The Magificent Elk
It was the only name Carl approved of.
Crew Members (In order) :
Carl glared at me while choosing my crew. I got a foreboding feeling that he intends to do me harm.
I decided to bring a strong crew.
B.A. Barracks
Chuck Norris
A Shotgun
The Incredible Hulk
Supplies:
125 Food
100 Ammo
Carl had no advice on how to manage the supplies. He was too busy eating them.
Day One:
Hunted.
Killed 1 Grunny and 1 Driving Bear.
Gained 140 lbs of Food.
Used about 9 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
Two crewmembers called shotgun at the same time.
I told them to Rock, Paper, Sicissors.
The universe smiled on my respect for cosmic law.
Our luck increased significantly.
I developed a case of "rocketbutt."
My health decreased slightly.
Day Two:
A double rainbow appeared in front of us, bringing good fortune.
Our luck increased slightly.
A ghost appeared to me in the night and offered to show me how I die.
I accepted its offer.
The ghost realized we don't have a DVD player and left angry and disappointed.
Rested for the day.
Day Three:
An ogre waved me down to challenge me to an arm-wrestling contest.
I accepted.
On the verge of pinning me, the ogre was stung by a bee. I seized the opportunity and won.
He was a big crybaby about it, but he stayed true to his word and showed us a shortcut.
We saved 6 hours of travel.
Carl spent a lot of the day menacing the crew, preventing any work from getting done.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
Two crewmembers called shotgun at the same time.
I settled the dispute by Rock, Paper, Scissors.
My crew recognized me as a wise and fair leader whom they willingly obey.
Our ship's speed increased significantly.
The Magificent Elk flew over a ziggurat, at the top was a bloody sacrificial altar.
We Sacrificed Chuck Norris to whatever Elder God the altar enshrined.
The moment you plunged the dagger through Chuck Norris's heart, I felt Zithillius the Damned smile upon me from the cosmos.
The crew was sad at first, but they like their new toys.
Chuck Norris 'died'.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
We gained 50 loot.
The crew's health improved significantly.
All Crewmembers left!
P.S Keep this hidden from the authorities.
You found a sign pointing off the main trail labeled "secret shortcut."
I took it but turns out there's a toll, but we come this far so we payed it.
We lost 25 loot.
We saved 12 hours of travel.
Carl gets angry and his antlers tangled up in the ship's steering wheel.
He hates it when you put steering wheels in his way.
We had to veer from side to side, causing our pace to slow.
Our ship's speed decreased significantly.
The Incredible Hulk become corrupted by rock music and adoptede an anti-authority stance.
We lost 3 hours of travel.
I got a little stir crazy in the night and decided to do something productive.
I organized the loot carefully stacking and arranging the crates with expert precision...
and I discovered some loot I didn't even know we had in the process!
We gained 25 loot.
Day Four to Six:
We Reached Ol' Respectable, and some voice in the sky said
"This venerable sequoia has withstood thousands of years of floods, forest fires and assassination attempts by radical anti-tree militants.
What would you like to do?"
The Crew and I decided to admire the tree and the it untouched
As we flew away we felt our luck improve.
Our luck increased slightly.
We found a vending machine on the ground beneath The Magificent Elk.
We decided to do the right thing and feed the machine some loot.
It didn't rob us! Yay!
We gained 10 ammo.
After dashing into the trees moments before, Carl dragged back four dead vampires by their capes.
We carefully thanked Carl for saving us from the assassin vampires.
Carl guffawed in acknowledgment. He seemed almost happy. Almost.
A friendly stranger borrowed some loot to show you a magic trick.
We all watched closely. It was awesome!
Then he did an even better trick and disappeared into thin air.
You lose 25 loot.
B.A. Barracks was stricken with a case of general tumescence.
His breathing became difficult and his movements stiff.
B.A. Barracks's health decreased significantly.
A deer landed on the deck of The Magificent Elk, breaking all of his legs.
We decided what would be best.
Our larder grew larger.
We gained 25 lbs of food.
The Incredible Hulk got kicked in the head by a horse, severely damaging his brain area.
We where all wondering "Where the hell did a horse come from?"
We all decided there where no horses on the ship and left it.
Carl spied a female bounding gracefully across the forest floor. Then disappeared in to a bush.
Carl followed and then he let out a dark, erotic bellow.
B.A. Barracks's pinkie exploded, running a perfectly good sandwich.
B.A. Barracks's health decreased significantly.
I ate breakfast, did some piloting, checked the maps and had a really nice lunch... and then I found a bunch of loot!
We gained 50 loot.
Day Seven:
Hunted.
Killed 2 Grunnies and 1 Broccoli.
Gained 115 lbs of Food.
Used 7 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
We found the Ancient Ruined 24-Hour Massage Parlor.
The same voice in the sky said.
"This seedy structure was cataclysmically destroyed some centuries ago. Clearly, it did not meet with a happy ending."
We decided to investigate the ruins.
While searching we found an ancient cache of oils and lotions. We lubricated The Magificent Elk, slightly increasing it's speed.
The ship's speed increased significantly.
We saw some signs advertising a party on the ground below.
We decided to PAARRTYY!!
It was a study party. The crew is totally bummed, but by boning up on algebra we figured out how to fly the ship better.
The ship's speed increased slighty.
Everyone was bored. The crew wanted to have a talent show.
So I bust out the costume chest and puppet stage.
The talent show took a long time, but we learnt a lot about each others' strengths and anxieties.
The ship's speed increases slighty.
We lose 6 hours of travel.
A Shotgun broke an arm while engaging in some rowdy horseplay.
A Shotgun's health decreased significantly.
A Shotgun fell sick with a rare case of inverted hearing.
A Shotgun's health decreased slightly.
While scouting ahead, Carl found an abandoned, rusty mecha suit.
I climbed inside to check it out, the suit seemed to be non-functional,
but there was a usable box of shells under the pilot's seat, apparently for use in emergencies.
We gained 10 ammo.
I saw the best minds of this generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked.
For some reason we gave them some food and money.
We lost 25 lbs of food.
We lost 25 loot.
We came across the scene of an airshipwreck from long ago.
Trees and plants grey out of the rotting wooden carcass.
We decided to keep going.
Day Eight:
B.A Barracks Died. Tis a sad day.
B.A Barracks died.
4 Crewmembers left.
We reached Fort Larroquette.
Within the safe walls of Fort Larroquette, a man approached offering a trade:
"Hey pal, wanna barter for some ammo? I found it in my grandmother's attic."
We aggred on a trade of 25 loot for 10 ammo. The transaction ran smoothly.
We gained 10 ammo.
We lost 25 loot.
A band of pygmies, amazed by everything about us, asked if I'd like to be their ruler.
I turned the offer down. We need to take this loot quickly.
The pygymies hated to see us leave but loved to watch me go.
An old man flaged us down and regales us with a fabulous story from his youth.
So we kindly listened to his stories.
Before we knew it the afternoon was over, but we all feel that we'd gained in wisdom what we had lost in time.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
A Shotgun Died. Tis a very sad day.
A Shotgun died.
3 Crewmembers left.
We rested for a week
Day Fifthteen:
Hunted.
Killed 1 Pumpkin, 1 Broccoli and 1 Ox.
Gained 145 lbs of Food.
Used 13 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
A girl asked us to help find her lost dog. We decided to help.
You found the dog in the next town over where he had a secret second family.
He bribed us to keep his secret hidden and promises he would be back to the first girl before long.
We gained 50 loot.
Chuck Norris heard some noises in the hold but was afraid to investigate alone.
So I Investigated the hold myselfand a bat flew past my head when I opened the door and I found some ammo mysteriously disappearsd
We lost 10 ammo.
While we stopped for a break, Carl wandered away from the ship.
Some trampled leaves and broken branches made him easy enough to follow.
The Incredible Hulk found him chowing down on a patch of sassafras. We gathered some and added it to the food.
We gained 25 lbs of food.
Massive inflation elsewhere on the continent devalued our loot.
We lost 50 loot.
Day Sixteen:
The Incredible Hulk invented a game where you roll a hoop around the ship with just a stick.
We were having great fun but the the hoop went over the edge.
The Incredible Hulk went after it, revealing the amazing ability to fly for short periods of time.
We forced The Incredible Hulk to use this ability to steal from other airships.
You gain 25 loot.
The Incredible Hulk discovered a hidden stash of energy bars in the lower decks.
We gained 25 lbs of food.
In a momentary lapse of proprioception, The Incredible Hulk opened a door into their own face.
The Incredible Hulk's health decreased significantly.
We found a Dog in a Shoe.
The voice spoke again
"A seemingly ordinary oversized novelty shoe is rendered magical by the presence of a dog."
We tried to play with the dog but it was busy.
In a moment of desperation, The Incredible Hulk licked a strange moss growing on the ship's bilge bump.
I examined The Incredible Hulk, only finding that that moss must have been tasty.
The Incredible Hulk's health increased significantly.
You developed a case of cerebral termites.
We harvested them, using a coat hanger and some honey you fish them out and make a stew out of the delicay.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
Carl found a nest of termites aboard the ship and eats them all, and got sick in the process.
The Incredible Hulk had no choice but to pump Carl's stomach, a procedure that wasted everyone's time.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
O got hit with a poison dart shot by some meddlesome kids on the ground.
My health decreased significantly.
Hunted.
Killed 1 Pumpkin, 2 Broccoli, 1 Ox and 1 Grunny.
We had to leave some behind as the hold was full.
Gained 210 lbs of Food.
Used 15 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
Rested for 2 days.
Day Nineteen:
We had to choose which way,
Forest or Desert
Carl regarded the fork in the road with dull-eyed incomprehension.
That voice spoke again
"It seems like one of these paths may be significantly more treacherous, but if you wanted help choosing, you shouldn't have picked an elk as your guide."
The crew and I initially decided to cut through the desert, but strong winds and a dodgy mouse turned us to go through the forest.
A handsome boy minstrel wandered into camp.
We asked him to sing for us.
He had the voice of an angel so we signed him to our record label.
He became the next teen sensation, but we lost time escaping the hordes of shrieking fans in pursuit.
We gained 50 loot.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
A stranger offered us some candy.
So we aceccpted as we all love candy.
The stranger grabbed us and hauls us into his van, where he had tons of candy.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
We decided to reast for three days,
Day Twenty-Two:
The Incredible Hulk tried a new way to tie shoelaces but made an unforgivable mistake.
We had to untange The Incredible Hulk wasting hours.
We lost 3 hours of travel.
The Incredible Hulk was stricken with ennui, and took to staring out portholes and heaving demonstrative sighs.
I asked The Incredible Hulk what's up
He just replied "I don't know," gazing without focus into the middle distance. "I'm just sad."
So i baked The Incredible Hulk a cheer-up cake.
We lost 25 lbs of food.
The Incredible Hulk tried out a new hairstyle.
Honestly, I had mixed feelings about it,
but I turned out to be amazingly aerodynamic.
The Magificent Elk's speed increased slighty.
We rested for the rest of the day.
Day Twenty-Three:
I found a sign pointing off the main trail labeled "secret shortcut."
We decided to continue on the main path.
A vampire leaped out of nowhere and threw a bomb on the deck, but Chuck Norris successfully (round-house) kicked it back at the vampire, blowing him to bits.
I just said "woah", but Chuck Norris broke 2 toes.
Chuck Norris's health decreased significantly.
We found the Ancient Ruined 24-Hour Check Cashing Business
The voice came back
"This business failed centuries ago due to its inconvenient location."
We just moved on.
We rested for 4 days.
Day Twenty-Six:
A man introduced himself to us as Doctor Slaptastic and asked if we would like to be healed.
We hesitantly aggreed.
Then he slaped Chuck Norris across the face, healing diseases we didn't even know about.
Chuck Norris's health increased significantly.
We came across a wrecked airship partially covered with undergrowth.
We went in for a closer look, but a brigand ambushed us and held us ransom for a box of bullets.
We lost 10 ammo.
My shirt had a hole in it, and I had three weddings to go to.
I no longer recognized myself, I thought my name was Chuck Norris?
So I ate some cheese to feel better.
We lost 25 lbs of food.
We saw someone littering.
So we threw them into a man-eating plant.
That pleased the jellyfish demigod's sense of irony.
Our luck increased slightly.
Day Twenty-Seven:
We all stopped to get matching anchor tattoos, but The Incredible Hulk misheard and got a unicorn.
We all had a good laugh at The Incredible Hulk's error, however,
The unicorn gang didn't see the humor in The Incredible Hulk's unauthorized use of their symbol,
and tore the flesh off The Incredible Hulk's arm.
The Incredible Hulk's health decreased slightly.
A little bird flew in the window and wanted to tell us a secret.
We humored the little bird.
The bird gave a precise account of the end of the human race, in terms so realistic and inevitable it immobilized us with terror.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
The Incredible Hulk started to grows bored with the tiresome thing we call life.
No amount of encouragement seemed to help.
To feel better, The Incredible Hulk shoplifted some ammo from a nearby airship.
We gained 5 ammo.
A pale, terrified man flagged us down.
We couldn't understand a word he said, then he died convulsing in my arms.
When we returned to the ship we saw two vampires running off with some food.
We lost 50 lbs of food.
We found a sign pointing off the main trail labeled "secret shortcut."
We decided to adventure down the shortcut.
Absolutely nothing notable happened except that the shortcut saved us some time.
And The Incredible Hulk couldn't stop dreaming of giant frogs, though they are also strangely neutral dreams.
We saved 6 hours of travel.
We reached the Irregular Cow, the voice boomed from the sky.
"Humiliated by its abnormalities, this cow has decided to exile itself to the deepest woods."
We decided to continue on the trail and let it be.
While I was standing in a majestic pose on the airship's bow I, passeed through a swarm of insects and swallowed six pounds of them.
They were an excellent source of protein.
My health increased slightly.
Air pirates attacked!
We decided to give in to their demands.
The pirates pillaged the stores but no one was hurt.
We lost 50 lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
We lost 10 ammo.
We lost 3 hours of travel.
The Incredible Hulk started choking on a piece of food.
I performed the The Corbomite Maneuver
My gambit payed off and I tricked the blockage into removing itself from The Incredible Hulk's throat.
It still looked edible.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
Chuck Norris had a great idea for a pasta dish.
We all were looking forward to dinner.
Chuck Norris made a very interesting bowl suited for holding pasta out of a bunch of bullets welded together.
We never got the pasta.
We lost 5 ammo.
Day Twenty-Eight:
We rested for 3 days.
Day Thirty-One:
My alarm went off, softy murmuring "open your eyes, open your eyes," over and over.
Was it all a dream?
No, you are still on your airship going to save a jellyfish demigod from vampires.
A roadside billboard advertised a local witch docotor.
We just carried on flying.
We found Fort Moll
Within the seedy bowels of Fort Moll, a stranger approached offering a trade:
"Got some food to trade ya. Rest in peace, Sparky. You were a good rhinoceros."
We declined and continued on the trail.
A band of pygmies, amazed by everything about me, asked if I'd like to be their ruler.
I declined their offer.
Chuck Norris found an unlabeled bottle of pills hidden in an old sock.
We had Chuck Norris test them out.
Chuck Norris gaind some health from the unknown pills.
Chuck Norris's health increased slightly.
You saw signs advertising a party on the ground below.
We decicided to pass we were too busy.
We reached Ancient Ruined Family-Style Buffet.
It was that voice again.
"This buffet was overrun by marauding raccoons who drove it into the ground with negligent business practices."
We explored explore the ruins, and found a cache of petrified, centuries-old ketchup packets.
They still looked good.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
We rested for 3 days.
Perparation
Airship Model:
Kestrel
I figured it would be safest if I spent the shortest time with Carl.
Don't tell him that.
Airship Name:
The Magificent Elk
It was the only name Carl approved of.
Crew Members (In order) :
Carl glared at me while choosing my crew. I got a foreboding feeling that he intends to do me harm.
I decided to bring a strong crew.
B.A. Barracks
Chuck Norris
A Shotgun
The Incredible Hulk
Supplies:
125 Food
100 Ammo
Carl had no advice on how to manage the supplies. He was too busy eating them.
Day One:
Hunted.
Killed 1 Grunny and 1 Driving Bear.
Gained 140 lbs of Food.
Used about 9 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
Two crewmembers called shotgun at the same time.
I told them to Rock, Paper, Sicissors.
The universe smiled on my respect for cosmic law.
Our luck increased significantly.
I developed a case of "rocketbutt."
My health decreased slightly.
Day Two:
A double rainbow appeared in front of us, bringing good fortune.
Our luck increased slightly.
A ghost appeared to me in the night and offered to show me how I die.
I accepted its offer.
The ghost realized we don't have a DVD player and left angry and disappointed.
Rested for the day.
Day Three:
An ogre waved me down to challenge me to an arm-wrestling contest.
I accepted.
On the verge of pinning me, the ogre was stung by a bee. I seized the opportunity and won.
He was a big crybaby about it, but he stayed true to his word and showed us a shortcut.
We saved 6 hours of travel.
Carl spent a lot of the day menacing the crew, preventing any work from getting done.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
Two crewmembers called shotgun at the same time.
I settled the dispute by Rock, Paper, Scissors.
My crew recognized me as a wise and fair leader whom they willingly obey.
Our ship's speed increased significantly.
The Magificent Elk flew over a ziggurat, at the top was a bloody sacrificial altar.
We Sacrificed Chuck Norris to whatever Elder God the altar enshrined.
The moment you plunged the dagger through Chuck Norris's heart, I felt Zithillius the Damned smile upon me from the cosmos.
The crew was sad at first, but they like their new toys.
Chuck Norris 'died'.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
We gained 50 loot.
The crew's health improved significantly.
All Crewmembers left!
P.S Keep this hidden from the authorities.
You found a sign pointing off the main trail labeled "secret shortcut."
I took it but turns out there's a toll, but we come this far so we payed it.
We lost 25 loot.
We saved 12 hours of travel.
Carl gets angry and his antlers tangled up in the ship's steering wheel.
He hates it when you put steering wheels in his way.
We had to veer from side to side, causing our pace to slow.
Our ship's speed decreased significantly.
The Incredible Hulk become corrupted by rock music and adoptede an anti-authority stance.
We lost 3 hours of travel.
I got a little stir crazy in the night and decided to do something productive.
I organized the loot carefully stacking and arranging the crates with expert precision...
and I discovered some loot I didn't even know we had in the process!
We gained 25 loot.
Day Four to Six:
We Reached Ol' Respectable, and some voice in the sky said
"This venerable sequoia has withstood thousands of years of floods, forest fires and assassination attempts by radical anti-tree militants.
What would you like to do?"
The Crew and I decided to admire the tree and the it untouched
As we flew away we felt our luck improve.
Our luck increased slightly.
We found a vending machine on the ground beneath The Magificent Elk.
We decided to do the right thing and feed the machine some loot.
It didn't rob us! Yay!
We gained 10 ammo.
After dashing into the trees moments before, Carl dragged back four dead vampires by their capes.
We carefully thanked Carl for saving us from the assassin vampires.
Carl guffawed in acknowledgment. He seemed almost happy. Almost.
A friendly stranger borrowed some loot to show you a magic trick.
We all watched closely. It was awesome!
Then he did an even better trick and disappeared into thin air.
You lose 25 loot.
B.A. Barracks was stricken with a case of general tumescence.
His breathing became difficult and his movements stiff.
B.A. Barracks's health decreased significantly.
A deer landed on the deck of The Magificent Elk, breaking all of his legs.
We decided what would be best.
Our larder grew larger.
We gained 25 lbs of food.
The Incredible Hulk got kicked in the head by a horse, severely damaging his brain area.
We where all wondering "Where the hell did a horse come from?"
We all decided there where no horses on the ship and left it.
Carl spied a female bounding gracefully across the forest floor. Then disappeared in to a bush.
Carl followed and then he let out a dark, erotic bellow.
B.A. Barracks's pinkie exploded, running a perfectly good sandwich.
B.A. Barracks's health decreased significantly.
I ate breakfast, did some piloting, checked the maps and had a really nice lunch... and then I found a bunch of loot!
We gained 50 loot.
Day Seven:
Hunted.
Killed 2 Grunnies and 1 Broccoli.
Gained 115 lbs of Food.
Used 7 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
We found the Ancient Ruined 24-Hour Massage Parlor.
The same voice in the sky said.
"This seedy structure was cataclysmically destroyed some centuries ago. Clearly, it did not meet with a happy ending."
We decided to investigate the ruins.
While searching we found an ancient cache of oils and lotions. We lubricated The Magificent Elk, slightly increasing it's speed.
The ship's speed increased significantly.
We saw some signs advertising a party on the ground below.
We decided to PAARRTYY!!
It was a study party. The crew is totally bummed, but by boning up on algebra we figured out how to fly the ship better.
The ship's speed increased slighty.
Everyone was bored. The crew wanted to have a talent show.
So I bust out the costume chest and puppet stage.
The talent show took a long time, but we learnt a lot about each others' strengths and anxieties.
The ship's speed increases slighty.
We lose 6 hours of travel.
A Shotgun broke an arm while engaging in some rowdy horseplay.
A Shotgun's health decreased significantly.
A Shotgun fell sick with a rare case of inverted hearing.
A Shotgun's health decreased slightly.
While scouting ahead, Carl found an abandoned, rusty mecha suit.
I climbed inside to check it out, the suit seemed to be non-functional,
but there was a usable box of shells under the pilot's seat, apparently for use in emergencies.
We gained 10 ammo.
I saw the best minds of this generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked.
For some reason we gave them some food and money.
We lost 25 lbs of food.
We lost 25 loot.
We came across the scene of an airshipwreck from long ago.
Trees and plants grey out of the rotting wooden carcass.
We decided to keep going.
Day Eight:
B.A Barracks Died. Tis a sad day.
B.A Barracks died.
4 Crewmembers left.
We reached Fort Larroquette.
Within the safe walls of Fort Larroquette, a man approached offering a trade:
"Hey pal, wanna barter for some ammo? I found it in my grandmother's attic."
We aggred on a trade of 25 loot for 10 ammo. The transaction ran smoothly.
We gained 10 ammo.
We lost 25 loot.
A band of pygmies, amazed by everything about us, asked if I'd like to be their ruler.
I turned the offer down. We need to take this loot quickly.
The pygymies hated to see us leave but loved to watch me go.
An old man flaged us down and regales us with a fabulous story from his youth.
So we kindly listened to his stories.
Before we knew it the afternoon was over, but we all feel that we'd gained in wisdom what we had lost in time.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
A Shotgun Died. Tis a very sad day.
A Shotgun died.
3 Crewmembers left.
We rested for a week
Day Fifthteen:
Hunted.
Killed 1 Pumpkin, 1 Broccoli and 1 Ox.
Gained 145 lbs of Food.
Used 13 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
A girl asked us to help find her lost dog. We decided to help.
You found the dog in the next town over where he had a secret second family.
He bribed us to keep his secret hidden and promises he would be back to the first girl before long.
We gained 50 loot.
Chuck Norris heard some noises in the hold but was afraid to investigate alone.
So I Investigated the hold myselfand a bat flew past my head when I opened the door and I found some ammo mysteriously disappearsd
We lost 10 ammo.
While we stopped for a break, Carl wandered away from the ship.
Some trampled leaves and broken branches made him easy enough to follow.
The Incredible Hulk found him chowing down on a patch of sassafras. We gathered some and added it to the food.
We gained 25 lbs of food.
Massive inflation elsewhere on the continent devalued our loot.
We lost 50 loot.
Day Sixteen:
The Incredible Hulk invented a game where you roll a hoop around the ship with just a stick.
We were having great fun but the the hoop went over the edge.
The Incredible Hulk went after it, revealing the amazing ability to fly for short periods of time.
We forced The Incredible Hulk to use this ability to steal from other airships.
You gain 25 loot.
The Incredible Hulk discovered a hidden stash of energy bars in the lower decks.
We gained 25 lbs of food.
In a momentary lapse of proprioception, The Incredible Hulk opened a door into their own face.
The Incredible Hulk's health decreased significantly.
We found a Dog in a Shoe.
The voice spoke again
"A seemingly ordinary oversized novelty shoe is rendered magical by the presence of a dog."
We tried to play with the dog but it was busy.
In a moment of desperation, The Incredible Hulk licked a strange moss growing on the ship's bilge bump.
I examined The Incredible Hulk, only finding that that moss must have been tasty.
The Incredible Hulk's health increased significantly.
You developed a case of cerebral termites.
We harvested them, using a coat hanger and some honey you fish them out and make a stew out of the delicay.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
Carl found a nest of termites aboard the ship and eats them all, and got sick in the process.
The Incredible Hulk had no choice but to pump Carl's stomach, a procedure that wasted everyone's time.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
O got hit with a poison dart shot by some meddlesome kids on the ground.
My health decreased significantly.
Hunted.
Killed 1 Pumpkin, 2 Broccoli, 1 Ox and 1 Grunny.
We had to leave some behind as the hold was full.
Gained 210 lbs of Food.
Used 15 Bullets.
It took 12 hours.
Rested for 2 days.
Day Nineteen:
We had to choose which way,
Forest or Desert
Carl regarded the fork in the road with dull-eyed incomprehension.
That voice spoke again
"It seems like one of these paths may be significantly more treacherous, but if you wanted help choosing, you shouldn't have picked an elk as your guide."
The crew and I initially decided to cut through the desert, but strong winds and a dodgy mouse turned us to go through the forest.
A handsome boy minstrel wandered into camp.
We asked him to sing for us.
He had the voice of an angel so we signed him to our record label.
He became the next teen sensation, but we lost time escaping the hordes of shrieking fans in pursuit.
We gained 50 loot.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
A stranger offered us some candy.
So we aceccpted as we all love candy.
The stranger grabbed us and hauls us into his van, where he had tons of candy.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
We decided to reast for three days,
Day Twenty-Two:
The Incredible Hulk tried a new way to tie shoelaces but made an unforgivable mistake.
We had to untange The Incredible Hulk wasting hours.
We lost 3 hours of travel.
The Incredible Hulk was stricken with ennui, and took to staring out portholes and heaving demonstrative sighs.
I asked The Incredible Hulk what's up
He just replied "I don't know," gazing without focus into the middle distance. "I'm just sad."
So i baked The Incredible Hulk a cheer-up cake.
We lost 25 lbs of food.
The Incredible Hulk tried out a new hairstyle.
Honestly, I had mixed feelings about it,
but I turned out to be amazingly aerodynamic.
The Magificent Elk's speed increased slighty.
We rested for the rest of the day.
Day Twenty-Three:
I found a sign pointing off the main trail labeled "secret shortcut."
We decided to continue on the main path.
A vampire leaped out of nowhere and threw a bomb on the deck, but Chuck Norris successfully (round-house) kicked it back at the vampire, blowing him to bits.
I just said "woah", but Chuck Norris broke 2 toes.
Chuck Norris's health decreased significantly.
We found the Ancient Ruined 24-Hour Check Cashing Business
The voice came back
"This business failed centuries ago due to its inconvenient location."
We just moved on.
We rested for 4 days.
Day Twenty-Six:
A man introduced himself to us as Doctor Slaptastic and asked if we would like to be healed.
We hesitantly aggreed.
Then he slaped Chuck Norris across the face, healing diseases we didn't even know about.
Chuck Norris's health increased significantly.
We came across a wrecked airship partially covered with undergrowth.
We went in for a closer look, but a brigand ambushed us and held us ransom for a box of bullets.
We lost 10 ammo.
My shirt had a hole in it, and I had three weddings to go to.
I no longer recognized myself, I thought my name was Chuck Norris?
So I ate some cheese to feel better.
We lost 25 lbs of food.
We saw someone littering.
So we threw them into a man-eating plant.
That pleased the jellyfish demigod's sense of irony.
Our luck increased slightly.
Day Twenty-Seven:
We all stopped to get matching anchor tattoos, but The Incredible Hulk misheard and got a unicorn.
We all had a good laugh at The Incredible Hulk's error, however,
The unicorn gang didn't see the humor in The Incredible Hulk's unauthorized use of their symbol,
and tore the flesh off The Incredible Hulk's arm.
The Incredible Hulk's health decreased slightly.
A little bird flew in the window and wanted to tell us a secret.
We humored the little bird.
The bird gave a precise account of the end of the human race, in terms so realistic and inevitable it immobilized us with terror.
We lost 6 hours of travel.
The Incredible Hulk started to grows bored with the tiresome thing we call life.
No amount of encouragement seemed to help.
To feel better, The Incredible Hulk shoplifted some ammo from a nearby airship.
We gained 5 ammo.
A pale, terrified man flagged us down.
We couldn't understand a word he said, then he died convulsing in my arms.
When we returned to the ship we saw two vampires running off with some food.
We lost 50 lbs of food.
We found a sign pointing off the main trail labeled "secret shortcut."
We decided to adventure down the shortcut.
Absolutely nothing notable happened except that the shortcut saved us some time.
And The Incredible Hulk couldn't stop dreaming of giant frogs, though they are also strangely neutral dreams.
We saved 6 hours of travel.
We reached the Irregular Cow, the voice boomed from the sky.
"Humiliated by its abnormalities, this cow has decided to exile itself to the deepest woods."
We decided to continue on the trail and let it be.
While I was standing in a majestic pose on the airship's bow I, passeed through a swarm of insects and swallowed six pounds of them.
They were an excellent source of protein.
My health increased slightly.
Air pirates attacked!
We decided to give in to their demands.
The pirates pillaged the stores but no one was hurt.
We lost 50 lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
We lost 10 ammo.
We lost 3 hours of travel.
The Incredible Hulk started choking on a piece of food.
I performed the The Corbomite Maneuver
My gambit payed off and I tricked the blockage into removing itself from The Incredible Hulk's throat.
It still looked edible.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
Chuck Norris had a great idea for a pasta dish.
We all were looking forward to dinner.
Chuck Norris made a very interesting bowl suited for holding pasta out of a bunch of bullets welded together.
We never got the pasta.
We lost 5 ammo.
Day Twenty-Eight:
We rested for 3 days.
Day Thirty-One:
My alarm went off, softy murmuring "open your eyes, open your eyes," over and over.
Was it all a dream?
No, you are still on your airship going to save a jellyfish demigod from vampires.
A roadside billboard advertised a local witch docotor.
We just carried on flying.
We found Fort Moll
Within the seedy bowels of Fort Moll, a stranger approached offering a trade:
"Got some food to trade ya. Rest in peace, Sparky. You were a good rhinoceros."
We declined and continued on the trail.
A band of pygmies, amazed by everything about me, asked if I'd like to be their ruler.
I declined their offer.
Chuck Norris found an unlabeled bottle of pills hidden in an old sock.
We had Chuck Norris test them out.
Chuck Norris gaind some health from the unknown pills.
Chuck Norris's health increased slightly.
You saw signs advertising a party on the ground below.
We decicided to pass we were too busy.
We reached Ancient Ruined Family-Style Buffet.
It was that voice again.
"This buffet was overrun by marauding raccoons who drove it into the ground with negligent business practices."
We explored explore the ruins, and found a cache of petrified, centuries-old ketchup packets.
They still looked good.
We gained 50 lbs of food.
We rested for 3 days.
The journal abruptly finishes here as fell off the airship onto my head, then I decided to publish it.
Yours Turly,
Muhammed Ali
Yours Turly,
Muhammed Ali
