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I give up on everything. My life is nothing more than a hell hole and things keep blowing up in my fricken face. My family was suppose to start moving into a bigger place Monday, but we can't afford it now cause the damn price went up and there's really no other places to rent, and to buy a place is too damn expensive.

So why should I bother keeping positive on everything ?

Seriously. I don't see the point in being optimistic about anything anymore. Cause every time I try to be positive about something, it gets ******** up some how and blows up in my face. So why waste my energy being positive.

I wish I could crawl under a rock and die.

If I could I would. However, I'm too much of a coward to take my own life and there's two people holding me back as well, mostly because I don't want to hurt them. But even then I think it'd be nice to drop dead right now cause I'm getting soo sick and tired of all the s**t that keeps getting dumped on me and I'm tired of how when things start looking up it blows up and comes crashing back down on me.

I honestly wonder what the hell has to be done for things to start going right.

I mean, is there some reason why Life has to be an a** to my family and has to keep punishing us for the hell of it ? If so, I wanna know what the hell I've done to Life to make it want to get revenge. Cause I'm tired of Life being an a**. I mean, I see people, who I know, don't work, that live off the government's help programs, and they seem to be doing just fine with decent vehicles, a fair size house, and seem to be setting pretty even though they don't work. Yet with my family, we bust our butts working (I can't work cause I have to stay home and take care of my handicapped sister.) and we can't seem to get anywhere. Now what is wrong with picture ? Hmmm......?

It's just a rough spot. You'll get through it.

Bullshit. We've been living in a hell hole for 2 almost 3 damn years. I think if it was just a "rough spot", things would be a hell of a lot better by now. Come August, we'll have been in this tiny travel trailer for 3 damn years. I don't want to go through another Arizona summer in this damn trailer. We have don't have an A/C unit or swamp coolers to combat the heat, and it doesn't have heater either to combat the cold, and the heater we do have is a small electric one that's on it's last damn leg, as is. with and the damn thing leaks when it rains, not to mention the fact that the damn thing doesn't have enough space for everyone to have a bed to sleep on. My mom sleeps on the bed that came with the trailer, which also happens to be in the same area of one of the leaks no matter what we do to the roof. So when it rains, I have to give up my place to sleep so my mom can sleep, and I sleep on the couch. Which is why I don't hardly ever get any sleep, cause our couch is actually what people would call a "Love seat", seeing as it only fits two people. My sister is the only other person to have a bed in the trailer and it's only because she's handicapped. My dad on the other hand usually has to sleep in the sleeper of the Big Rig he drives. So yeah, my family could use a bigger house, but we'll never get it cause Life is being an a** to us.

Now you see why I'm giving up on everything.

Of course, I didn't put all of this to get whoever reads this to feel sorry for me. Right now, I'm pissed at Life for being an a** to me and my family, and I'm depressed that nothing is going right for my family and that when we get close to something going right it blows up in our faces. Hell, I'm waiting for my relationship with my amazing boyfriend to end because I'm not meant to have any amount of happiness in my life, and he brings me a lot of joy and happiness. So now I'm waiting to have my heart ripped to shreds, once again.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I honestly don't.