I looked up, searching for familiar brown eyes. I knew the face, the eyes, the smile, even the name, but I did not know the person. Joel looked up as well, his eyes meeting mine naturally. Everything fell into place perfectly. Except words, sound that carried neither weight nor meaning, because it was silence stretching forever between us. A smile fluttered across my face, but Joel had already looked away.
Would we play this game forever? Two people so intricately aware of each others presence and existence, yet so dismissive of each other? I knew he saw me, met my glances deliberately. The excuses for accidents had long passed.
I continued to look towards Joel. Had he taken the time to figure out my name as well? Did he take notice of those around me and try to interpret who I was? He looked up again, but the moment his eyes touched mine, he looked down. I turned my longing away from him, it didn't matter I thought. He doesn't care about you Sarah, he doesn't feel the attraction or interest. He probably doesn't feel it because it is one-sided. Ignore him. Do not seek for his gaze any longer.
"Sarah!" Jessi snapped fingers in front in my face. I looked to her wide smile and felt my despair rise up in an overflowing jar of unhappiness. I forced it down into my heart; now was not the time to be sad. I allowed Joel to fall away from mind, not allowing myself to turn around to search him out. His name was Joel and his eyes were brown, I knew nothing else about him. Such a stranger wasn't worth this attention, right?
Right?
- - - - -
I was alone at the lunch table. My friends were in line waiting to order their school lunches, while my lunch box sat fixedly in front of me. I would eat when my friends sat down with me, for now I looked around at the students talking and moving about the cafeteria. The table behind me was empty. I looked towards the spot Joel usually sat.
"Talk to me you little b***h." I mumbled to myself. My thoughts angry and desperate. I'll stop being angry if you just say hi I thought.
Suddenly and seemingly from nowhere, Aaron sat down, taking the seat beside me.
"What's up?" he asked, in his usually gruff and deep voice.
I looked at him in amusement. Aaron and I didn't talk that much anymore, but occasionally he would sit down randomly just so hi.
"Not much," I replied.
"Cool," he said, standing up again. "I'm going over there."
He went to the table behind me. A couple other boys were sitting there as well, including Joel. I wondered momentarily if it would be strange if I sat down over there. I could act like I was sitting there to talk to Aaron for a moment longer and then casually introduce myself to Joel.
What would I say?
"Hey, Joel, I'm Sarah. I've noticed you around and I was hoping whether or not you would like to talk for a bit and see if we like each other enough to start going out. Yes? Awesome, because I think I'm already in love with you."
Yeah, right. I wish. I sat immobilized, imagining that yes, it was possible that Joel might be interested in me. I did not act upon my hopes.
- - - - -
The following week I didn't see Joel at all. Then I was told he died, so I shrugged and decided to never fall in love again.
THE END
K THX FOR READIN' BYEBYE NOW.
