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I Am Not Strong Enough To Keep Doing This

Samuel,

I love you.

And I love you so much that I'm tearing myself apart with you gone.

I can't handle this.

It's barely been more than a week.

I keep contemplating something that I dread may become reality if I can't get myself together.......

And I think that anyone who reads this could figure out what that is.

I don't want to keep hurting myself for you, no matter how much doing that would hurt me in itself.

It's stupid, really....

Jessica told me that now I get to "feel the pain of having a boyfriend at college".

I honestly have no idea how she holds up.

She and Ben have been together for over 2 years.

I'm clearly not as strong as she, or other people in "long distance relationships", is.....

It's like when you have this huge crush on someone, but you can't even think of going for him or her because he or she is "way out of your league" or something.

Except you're already mine and I still can't have you.

God I feel like such a child...