J caught me musing at work. I was just sitting there, with my face resting on my hand and my eyes glazed over... he was teasing me about it. haha...
lots to muse about, though, so I stand self-justified in my actions.
thought about next year. I worked hard to get the work-study job I do now, yet it doesn't work as awesomely with my schedule as I want it to.
i've only worked nine hours this entire month.
because music is being absolutely retarded and inconveniently timed.
recital this, band performance that, studio class, etc.
and I'm only doing my shift at 55th 2/3 of the time I'm supposed to, because I'm working the morning shift at least one saturday a month.
so for next year:
ask for a different shift at 55th, preferably a monday or wednesday early afternoon shift.
see what happens with radio.
if it happens that I'll work only one day a week, I can see what my homework load is like then mayhaps get a part time job off campus somewheres.
band is just throwing a wrench in everything. I love it to death, but it's so inconveniently timed............ *frustrated sigh*
in fact, anything involving music is making things four times as complicated as they should be right now. The end of the semester is reserved for cussing out the music program, as it sucks a s**t TON of time from a person... constant recitals and studio classes, last-minute makeup lessons, private lesson exams, concerts, and practicing for all of those before they actually happen.
two more semesters of private piano lessons to keep my scholarship!
but then it won't really be worth it, because after that I only have two more semesters on campus before I graduate. sad face.
so that's kind of what's on my mind right now.
can't seem to focus on anything anymore tonight. worked on comm presentation at work... piece of s**t, in my opinion. Both the paper and the speech suck. hoping for a C. it's a super super interesting topic, it's just that I'm kind of burned out when it comes to bright ideas for 8-page papers written in the third person without the words related to "I" or "you" and no personal opinions.
and I'm not in a make-believe kind of mood for the other presentation.
mind is messed up from earlier tonight. my mind is a dark, scary place when I become secretly obsessed with anything... usually a boy. rolleyes it's like a sickness, really. pretty sure I've explained it before, but yeah.
this one has a new twist: in my dreams, i have conversations with him. Like, I remember actually talking and listening and talking again, and the feelings our convo illicit.
and last night, I remembered what we were talking about for the first time.
and what his voice sounded like.
O.O
so imagine when he just walks up with some people out of the blue, and when i overhear them talking, he sounds exactly. like. in. my. dream.
I NEED TO BE CHECKED IN TO A PSYCHIATRIC WARD.
ok. gonna take a nap in hopes that when i wake up I'll be more focused and feel less like a froot loop.
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