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Oh no, I'm not bawling now, this is just the night I found out.
I remembered reading a date she wrote in that dreaded book of memories she wrote of the two of you.
April twenty third?
It just so happens I have a notebook too, that I wrote in when you were gone. That you gave me, before you left for that awful place.
and is it a coincidence that I wrote in the notebook on the same day?
She was writing about you sleeping next to her, talking about your "kiss".
While I wrote about being excited that it's only 2 more months until you come back to me.
And you pull that stunt? Look at this bullish!t in front of me.
I was loyal the entire time you were gone while you weren't and kept this from me.
I really want to believe that you are telling the truth, but how the absolute fvcking hEll do you expect me to believe any sh!t that comes from your mouth since you lied to me twice?
Lie to me thrice and it's over.
i'm hoping to whatever god is out there that you're not lying. Please, don't be lying.
Please, please don't be lying. Because if you are, I don't know how I'll be able to trust you again, and it'll be too difficult for me to handle. I don't know.

But, Riley. I do know that you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I know I love you more than anything else in this world. That is fact. Riley, you're on my mind every second, minute, hour, and day. I love you. I want to be with you. And if you did lie, I'd have to force myself to leave you. I'd probably end up forgiving you, but not so easily. I really don't want to leave. I don't want to leave. But I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just glazed this over and looked the other way. I just want you to know that I love you. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of you leaving me, dumping me, doing whatever. I don't want you to leave me just because I'm so obsessed with this stupid thing that happened. But this is me: I like knowing things. I like knowing everything. I hate being left out, having to find things out on my own. I hate being lost. I hate not being "in" on things. I just like knowing things. That's just my personality. That's just who I am. My burps are a whole 'nother thing.
I don't know how you're going to reassure and convince me, but try. Please, please try. I seriously love you. If I could, I'd ask you to marry me, but right now, I don't have enough money to even move out and take care of myself. I love you Riley, I hope you know that.