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I must admit, everyone really had me worried for a while there. I was thinking they were planning something extremely awful. Although, in a way, they certainly were. They just never got around to it....phew. I'd say its a good thing that never happened. Or at least the cardboard cut-out part. I think the other may not have been as bad.

But this failed event has awakened an even darker depth to my persona. I worry that I may be losing my sanity...or what's left of it. It wouldn't be very good if I discover that I'm Bi-polar or something. I've never experienced such a level of depression. Not to mention that I've never really been that open with friends. And dear god, watching Moulean Rouge (if that's how its spelled) is only playing on my heart strings even more.

Don't mistake me, I only experienced this depression for a few hours earlier. I feel better now but the same thoughts are still swimming about. Nobody can fully imagine my current position and I don't want to get into the details but let's just say that I'm starting to hit overdrive and I don't know how much farther I can go.

One thing that made me laugh today though was my english teacher, Mrs. McFadden. I showed her the picture in the paper and the first thing she said after I explained it to her was "What a burning hunk of love...Go get him." I must admit, her words were partly what drove me insane after school. I had a chance but I chickened out again. I just wish I could find a place alone where we could talk. But it seems that nothing will ever be perfect, so I have to try...

I just wish I didn't keep seeing the same thing every time I close my eyes...
So much suffering
PS: I'm the leprechaun!