My heart is frozen over
Why doesn't the sky melt when my heart want move
The broken shell, moving, yet unchanging
Maybe I am broken ~ heart
Why can't I help you?
It just seems that I've been pretty worthless lately, I mean I haven't helped anyone. I've been getting hurt almost everyday to. I want to start crying again, but I only allow myself to cry when I'm laughing so its disgused. I mean noone gets the hint, who does it really hurt? I'm being so emo though! I mean my tear ducts are black. I want to cry during class again, the only real cure is to be loved. I don't mean someone saying "I love you" I want the words to mean it, not the boyfriend girlfriend I love you that you have to say. I'm tired of hurting people because I'm old fashioned and don't want to say I love you just because you say it like it doesn't mean what it use to. "Oh! you don't love me your so cruel" I've hurt myself enough saying I love you when I don't even know if I truely love. What a horride thing to say, that someone cant love. I just don't want to say it so freely, it hurts me. I know I'm probeley being very sensitive. I want to help all my friends if they need me and I'm not even all the way there. I feel asleep to sappy music last night if your wondering...No thats not the problem. I like that music about running away free and in love.
I'm such a sad romantic somtimes though. I mean being in love and being loved in return truely is my cure, I've seen the magic it's done. I thought I was pretty and I tried to look nice! I was being my old, happy, joyful, bouncy, hyper self. Then when I was heart-broken I learned what I demon I could become turning back into the shell I created for myself. Now I'm stuck in this bubble not even knowing how to truly be happy for more than a few minutes. Once out of school I'm just not using my disguse and I'm this irritable, sad, hopeless romatic, scholar. I want to do so much and there's so little I can do. Most people I fall for I make them my twin or quickly turn away, or hide the feelings. I don't even know why anymore. What's the point in killing my own heart. I don't want to die, I want to live my life and make my parents finally proud of me.
The real issue right now is, I think I'm hurting people doing this. I try to smile for them and do the best I can, but all I want to do is run away and cry right now. I mean if I'm not fully there should I not have the right to go away for a while? Do you need me there that much? I mean my friends say the love me and that Im luffed and all, but why do I have to do this to them, my endless depressions and my sad romanic drama thats all because of my stupidity. I don't want to hurt anyone but I know I am.
*wipes tears falling at tear ducts*
I am sorry for the way I've been acting, I'll make sure I put on the happist of faces for you all.
*Smiles gently trying not to cry*
but do remeber the gentle smiles are my warning, if you forget thats alright, I won't mind
I'm forgiving, I promise to always love you and I am sorry
Good bye
Sincerley yours
Emma
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Current Location: Were else?
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Mizerable - Gackt
[`Novacaine] Community Member 
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