Squall Leonheart emo
Before Squall was born, his mother had intended to name him Mario because his dad's great grandmother's daughter's boyfriend's cousin was Italian. His father had died from spontaneous combustion, and his mother was a common prostitute. Not intending to keep this darling baby boy, she left him at the steps of an orphanage. The owner of the orphanage, Edea Kramer, took in little Mario, but came to name him Squall because it reminded her of seagulls and those were her favorite animals. ANYWAY, Squall grew up to be a little a*****e and enjoyed making fun of the other kids. Finally, he decided that if he were to find a lady friend, that he would not want to bring her home and 'have a good time' while the other guys were watching and would possibly be laughing.
So, Squall left the orphanage and went to join Balamb Garden in hopes of becoming a SeeD; what big dreams he had. However, what he did not count on was that Balamb Garden was a REAL garden and had many people planting seeds in the ground while being chained to each other. THEY WERE GARDEN SLAVES! So, Squall spent many months planting seeds, but they grew into.... GUNSWORDS! After learning the art of seed planting, the director of Balamb, Cid, gives him a promotion and sends him to the training grounds with his gunsword.
Squall has fun checking out the training grounds when suddenly a Pikachu pops up out of nowhere and hits him with a shock of electricity; it didn't hurt. Squall blows it up with his gunsword and continues on his way. Eventually, some other things pop up; a worm, a JigglyPuff, even a few bumble bees. So, Squall is starting to get the hang of it when all of the sudden, a huge Tyrannosaurus Rex came out of nowhere and attacked. At first, Squall was doing well then BAM! the T-Rex pulls out an AK-47 and shoots him; GAMEOVER.
Squall wakes up a little disoriented and finds himself planting seeds again, apparently he forgot to save. "s**t!!!!!!" He yells. "Forget this!" So, Squall decides to leave Balamb and applies to SeeD. He gives an interview and gets in. He goes on his first mission to stop the president's train. He and his team sneak by the guards and hop onto a different train. Squall, being the a*****e he is, shoots the guards for making them resort to sneaking in the first place. Squall decided to ditch his teammates and jumped on the roof of the train then jumped onto the president's train. Without thinking, he smashed through a window and pointed his sword at the president. However, it turns out the president is a... ZOMBIE!... A.. WOMAN ZOMBIE!!!! Squall kills him/her.
Everyone celebrates and invite him to a ball. So Squall and his team went to the ball and mingled. However, he did not expect to see a very pretty lady, Rinoa, talking to Cid. She gives Squall a wink and he swears he just hit puberty as his two friends drop.
Squall attempts to talk to Rinoa, but ends up getting laughed at by his teammates because of his scar. Suddenly, he remembers that he used to laugh at people with funky scars and realized he was, now, one of them. "NOOOOO!" He cries. Squall begins to get angry, and no one likes him when he is angry because his veins pop out and he turns a light shade of black and white, and no one likes mimes. So they boot him out of the ball and sulks home.
Many years past and Squall has become a badass SeeD memeber, but is as big of an a*****e as ever. However, now he has decided the being emo was the way to go and, since he always felt bad, he would make others feel bad and sorry for him; really pathetic. ANYWAY, Squall finds out that Edea Kramer is the villainess, Ultimecia, bent on destroying Balamb and its garden of roses and lillies, turning them into dead plants and weeds, but also take over the world.
Well, Squall and his team aren't going to let that happen. Squall also finds out that his team was also from the orphanage and he would laugh at them; small world. So, Squall fights to the death and with great skill, defeats Ultimecia, but somehow ends up in the middle of the desert. "What the hell?" He yells. However, he watches as everything goes back to normal and see Edea Kramer. Squall bounds to her, only to be tripped by a rock and gets laughed at. Squall wonders on whether to kill Edea for laughing or explain to her about SeeDs; he picks the first choice.
Squall suddenly appears at a celebration party for saving the world and sees some guy flirting with Rinoa and begins to look like a mime. He shows the guy a pair of scissors and cuts an invisible rope. Suddenly, the guys is crushed by a grand piano. Rinoa bats her lashes and leaps into Squall's arm. "My hero!" Rinoa, which later her name gets switched to Candy, and Squall share a kiss on the balcony and she, surprisingly made Squall less of an a*****e.
THE END
