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Mayitia's Journal For Me To Ventage Much... If you don't like it, then don't read it. No one's forcing you to do so.


Mayitia
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True to my catty nature
I listen to you very well and all the same, it's what you don't say that intrigues me so...




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It's been quite some time
Well I've been out for a while and most people don't care, I'm pretty willing to bet hardly anyone will read this but that's okay. For those of you who know me in real life, you'll be surprised to know that I have cut my hair. Not normally all that big of a thing but considering that my hair was once just passed my wiast and is not just above my shoulders, it's a considerable change. smile I like it though and I don't get so many headaches anymore so all in all a good thing. smile Classes started again and I'm enjoying most of them. I'm happy that I can actually get out of the house now though and am no longer snowed in or the majority of the roads iced over. All in all, good times. biggrin I'm almost over being sick too which makes me infinitely more happy as well. ^^ I'm down to just a few coughs every hour or two and I can stay awake almost all day instead of sleeping twelve hours, up for four or five and wanting to go back to sleep. Like I said, wonderful. ^^ I got to hear from a couple of my friends too recently that I haven't had the pleasure of speaking with an quite some time due to conflicting schedules and being busy so that made my day as well. smile What can I say? This year has started out on a good note for me. biggrin



Mayitia
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dev1



Mayitia
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Freedome
To the air I fly
Already forgotten
Freedom was once the scariest thing
Now a drug I can't keep my hands off.
People around me
Know not who I am
Nor do they care at all.




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Just a thought to many won't like
If the heart breaks
Pray for a thousand pieces
For it is said
Time heals everything
And everyone needs
As much time as they can get.




Mayitia
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dev1



Mayitia
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This is my quote at the moment...
To die and be forgotten is the worst life ever lived.

I actually thought of that a couple minutes ago... I'm not sure I'd like to completely know what goes on in my head anymore.... confused





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Some more random stuff I thought of
Hold the hand of a star and let it show you where it's been. Let it take you places, listen to the adventures it's gone on, its joys, its sorrows, the life that it's lived. Hold the hand of a star and let it sweep you away on a journey for the two of you.

Or try and cage the star. Tie it to you with no hope of it ever letting its lightl touch another soul and watch it's wonder and beauty wither and fade until there's nothing left of its radiance.


So many times I've felt like this with other people. All they seem to care about is themselves and taking all of everyone else's time that they never let me free. My whole deal is that everytime I'm held tighter on the leash that is put on me by others, the more I fight it and the more unwilling I am to be around that person. It doesn't matter if I tell them though, no one cares enough to heed it. I'm told listening is the hardest part of any relationship, professional, friendship or otherwise. That and letting things and people go. Is it really so hard?




Mayitia
Community Member
dev1



Mayitia
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This may be my last....
What with school and work I'm not able to get on the internet as often as I used to. Unfortunately that means that I haven't gotten to see very many of my friends either. Being able to talk to certain people was how I got introduced to Gaia in the first place, I stayed mainly because of the people I met and made me feel accepted. ~smiles~ At least tolerated anyway. Some I've never met in person but still they put up with all my little "lack of sleep" days, depressed times and spazmatic moments. It was entertaining to say the least. smile There were days where I was ignored and other days where I was part of almost everything. I enjoyed every time though. There were days that I needed to be left alone or just have someone there with me, whether I needed someone to tell me what I didn't want to hear or tell me that everything was going to be okay when I didn't think it really was, I got it. I didn't even ask for it. Everyone that I have met here has at least been civil if not kind to me. I really do appreciate that. There are many reasons that I am unable to get to a computer as often as I used to. I have to go to a public library to get internet services for one, school's back in session and I'm currently applying for a second job. I'm trying to get my schedule to the point of collapse at the end of the day. I can't stand being bored and having nothing to do. It's been bothering me how much free time I have and everything that I want to do or get done I can't due to certain things. I feel that if I want it I have to work for it and if I work for it I'll get at least what I need. Independence. If I could do this differently and to everyone while they were online I would, but no longer am I online when everyone else is. For that I'm sorry this is so impersonal. I'm not saying good-bye but I am saying that it's going to be a long time before I'm back on Gaia. ....But please don't completely forget me.....




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Alive and working on life
I'm surviving. Keeping people at a distance from me for several different reasons but I'm still alive. I'm sorry to those that I have already pushed away. ~sighs~ I know nothing ever really seems good enough to what I told you but there are still reasons for which I don't share. At least not yet. It's been five, almost six months since I've been in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and since then I've been trying to drown myself in what I need to do. School and work. Two things I need to get done and deal with. So far I guess it works. I have things, major things, going on that I have to keep in mind as well. I've been worrying about a couple of people and have a few friends on my mind. Thinking about things that, at least to some people, don't matter and yet I want to know, some things that are just random and other things that are funny and at the same time no one needs to know. I guess I'm just one of those people....



Mayitia
Community Member
dev1



Mayitia
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I love them to death but I'm glad they're back home
Okay so last entry sounded like I was complaining about something trivial. Which in truth I was and it's no big deal to me really at all. However I will say that, and no offense to my family I love them to death, but I'm glad that my extended family has left. I know I never get to spend much time with my aunt, cousins and grandfather but honestly I am happy that they are no longer here. I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with my grandfather, aunt and both cousins that came up to spend time with me and my family but there was one person in particular that just wouldn't stop. This person was extremely rude to everyone in my family pretty much for the pure reason that we weren't "hers". And by that I mean that we weren't blood related. This person verbally abused my sister on multiple occassions, slammed me and my brother in front of the family, gave opinions to us (all of us) that was neither asked for nor wanted. Nothing was ever good enough for her. She told us things that weren't true and we all knew it and when we'd call her on it she'd just laugh at us. I don't know about you but I'm not a kid anymore, I don't appreciate being treated as such. She insulted my mother, blamed things on someone else and, at least it seemed to me, she was just trying to make everyone else miserable. When all of us went to the coast for awhile apparently the beach was too far away, the sand was too loose so when you walked in it and because it was wet, you sank unless you kept moving. No offense but where's the fun in anything if you can't get a little dirty? You can always go take a shower afterwards and put your clothes in the laundry. What's so wrong with that? I spent most of my time with my cousins, grandfather and brother. I even got so mad at this particular person that everytime she reached for me to "help" me out of a ditch that I climbed into for something or give me a hug, I avoided her. I know it's childish and probably stupid but I was mad at her and I didn't want anything to do with her. I was done with what she had to say and do. I wasn't about to let her ruin the entire vacation. At least not for me. As far as I saw it, I didn't get to see these family members but maybe once every couple of years or so, so I was going to make the best of it. My cousin and I even stayed up until the sun began to rise just talking to each other. smile It was cool because I talk to next to no one about certain issues and I got to tell him almost everything. Even certain subjects that would astonish parents.... ninja rofl The funniest part of that though was that we both had to wake up early the next day because the family had plans that we were involved in. So needless to say, neither one of us got very much sleep that night. xd We had fun though. Grandpa was really laid back about the entire thing and before he left he said that he thoroughly enjoyed himself and that my sister, who planned this entire visit, could plan anything else she wanted for him. If he wanted to do something then he'd just tell my sister and let her plan what he was going to do for him. That made her smile which was something she really needed. smile My aunt and my mom hung out a lot while they were up which I don't begrudge them. One night my mom even had to go to her work for a couple of hours so my aunt and myself went with her to make sure she only stayed for a couple of hours. While mom was working my aunt and I went shopping for a few things that we needed. Because we were being silly, and goofing around while getting what we needed done, and no one stopped us, she suggested that I hop in the cart where the groceries are put (I'm obviously a bit too big for the little kid seat xd ). And like I said, because we were being weird and no one said otherwise, I hopped in and she pushed me around. blaugh It was funny and it made everyone that saw us either a) laugh or b) give us weird looks. Either way though it make everybody smile. :XP Though this is not all of what happened during their stay, this is only but a part. More good things happened than bad and I enjoyed all of the good things that did happen. biggrin




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