|
~Mamaw~ continued.......... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
That night, my thoughts were muffled. My world, it had revolved around her. Now, she was gone, my mind seemed to just overflow with thoughts.
I still constantly told myself I was sleeping. I felt light-headed and sick. My hair stuck out in every way as I tried to wake myself up. Yet I didn't want to wake up, if I wasn't dreaming, I would probably commit suicide I'd be so depressed.
~the next morning~
Shocked I had fallen asleep, I heaved myself off of the couch. As usual, I woke up before my sister. We are not really sisters, we've just been together so long, we actually could be confused for blood-sisters. Yet, we are step sisters.
My dad walked up the stairs, the solemn creaks sounded like they would last forever. "Midnight, go get something to eat, we have to go to the funeral today." I couldn't believe my ears.
I thought I was going to die when I heard those words. Bells were going off in my mind. Thoughts flew by as I sat there. I hypnotically answered.
"Okay."
I said it with more hope than I felt. The word came out with great effort and with a heavy heart.
I got dressed, I think I had worn a pair of blue jeans, either that or a dress.
~at the funeral~
I stood before the church doors, my heart weighed down in my chest. A lump as big as my fist seemed to hang in my throat. My mother and Papaw stood by my sides, their eyes bright and full of grief.
I walked in, the big church doors creaked by my sides. My dad stood behind me, a long sigh blew out as he walked in.
No, I couldn't believe what met my sight, people... too many people. Why are they all here? The 'death,' is that it?
People, apparently friends of Mamaw and the family were en massed in the church. This had to have been one of the biggest gatherings I had ever been to.
My eyes grew wide, I felt sick. I felt dizzy and confused. "Midnight, Mamaw will be a little swollen-" here my mother pointed to her throat and jaw area, "it's from where the doctors tried to save her."
I fell back to where my dad was standing, following behind my mother. I wanted to scream, yet when I opened my mouth, no sound came out.
I was ushered by my parents, my Papaw couldn't stand to see her, through two wooden doors. People where here, yet not as many as outside. At the far end of the room, a beautifully decorated coffin sat on a dark wooden table. Flowers where placed around this, roses, daisies, all the like. Portruding from the sides were various gifts from people whom I could not name.
I walked up to it, Dear god. She is in here, I looked closer, yet she looked like she was in a peaceful sleep. It seemed as though she just fell asleep. I allowed myself a rueful smile. Asleep. Just like me. I must be dreaming this up.
I looked at the far left corner of the coffin. A picture I drew of angels was sitting in it. A soft tear began to carve a path down my cheek.
"Come on, let's go."
My mother was pulling me gently by the arm. I dumbly nodded and followed her. I had seen enough.
~later on at the church~
The recent saddness did not seem to exist downstairs. I was smiling and laughing, playing with other children I knew or had just met. One of my sisters and my cousins were all playing around.
I took off my shoes and sat on the floor. I slowly looked around and put my right foot in the air. I began scratching my head like a dog and barking. This brought much amusement to the other children.
"Midnight, don't you know better?" My sister was grinning down to me, my cousin (Melisa) was giggling.
I just sat there, my blonde hair down and messy. I didn't care; I was enjoying myself after the previous events. I just lifted one eye-brow and mischeviously smiled.
One child shouted out, at a very high note,
"Who wants to play dog-catcher!"
I quickly left my sister and ran over to where the others were already crowding.
Several people feverently shouted their 'not it's.' It would seem that we all just forgot about the mourning that was still going on upstairs. Yet, the truth is, we all knew the truth, we just didn't want to.
~back from vacation, now at my mom's house~
The day had been terrible. I couldn't go to Papaw's. Well, the truth was, I didn't want to; not without Mamaw being there.
I had found out the horrid reality when I came back from dad's. It hit me like a train. I didn't want to mention it. I couldn't.
I wasn't the only one in a daze, Papaw's pure bred boxer would be at a loss. She would miss her dearly. My dog, which I kept at Papaw's, would sense something was deffinantly wrong. He was still young, around a year or two, and plus, we rescued him from one of Mamaw and Papaw's neighbors. He is an absoloutly gorgeous mutt. We don't know what he is, all we know is he's a mongrel. Unlike my Papaw's dog, mine was still young.
I woke up crying that night, tears streaming from my eyes. I uttered strange, fox and wolf like screeches and yips. I was completely freaked out. I made pitiful sobs and high-pitched squeeks.
My mother walked in took me into the living-room, and sat me on her lap. She had a book in her hand, 'I Cried Too.'
She comforted me, stroking my soft hair and pulling back blonde strands. I looked like a helpless babe there, weeping. My mother had a tear coursing down her cheek.
"Shh, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay. Mamaw is still here, as an angel. She's watching you right now, in Heaven. Shhh it's okay..."
She continued to comfort me, reading the story as I slowly stopped crying.
~end of first life story~
Heaven... what a beautiful place. Now Mamaw lives there. And now, I have her gaurding over me. One day, just one day, I will see her there...
My thoughts drifted off as I fell into a peaceful slumber, now that my mind was at rest.
(hey people! this was just one segment of one thing that has happened in my life. feel free to comment. if you have any questions, I'll answer them!)
 Kitsune Yin · Wed Apr 30, 2008 @ 10:24pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
