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Hi there! Violet or A Vampires Butterfly here! I thought I might as well update this thing...Not like anyone's reading or anything...So I guess it doesn't really matter. But hey. It makes me feel better. And that's all that matters. With much love, A Vampires Butterfly ^.^

Title: Never Hand Over The Rum
Anime: Naruto
Couple: Sasuke and Naruto
Warnings: A pissy Sasuke, a very drunk Naruto, and a hand full of yaoi for good luck.
Rating: 18
Summary: "Naruto plus rum equals a lot of nosebleeds. Poor Sasuke"

Sasuke groaned. ‘Not again…’ Why had he let Naruto drink again? Hadn’t he learned from last time? He shivered from even the memory. No, he really, really didn’t want to relive that experience again. Yet here he was…Why oh why did he let Naruto drink!?

“So like I was saying, see me and Sasu-chan, see I call him that some times. Isn’t it cute? Anyway him and me were just –hic- training and all the sudden the b*****d cuts through my favorite -hic- jumpsuit! You know the orange one? Anyway so I was all like you -hic- b*****d! And he -hic- just smirked. He’s always freaking smirking! It was like he was -hic- born smirking! Smug a** b*****d. Anyway so then I tackle -hic- him, prepared to make him pay for -hic- tearing my favorite jumpsuit, but he keeps tearing my -hic- clothes! So then I start tearing his clothes too, just to be fair. –hic- Then I look down and I realize something. You know what -hic- I realized? Of course -hic- you don’t! We were both -hic- naked! Isn’t that funny!?” He laughs so loudly that the whole bar turns and watches him almost fall off his stool. Sasuke is slowly scooting away from him, hiding his face. Damn it he is an Uchiha! Why?! Why did he let Naruto order the rum!?

“So anyway when I realize that I was all like -hic- s**t. Because, you know now my jumpsuit was like -hic- really torn up! And who knows how much prissy emo -hic- princess’s clothes are! So I start to try to -hic- gather up the pieces. You know, looking for some sort of tag -hic- to see how much we were going -hic- to pay and split the price up or -hic- something. Then you know what I realize next? I’m lying on top of him! -hic- Naked! And as I keep moving I -hic- realize something was poking -hic- me in the gut. And you know what I see when I look -hic- down? Huh do you? –hic-“ Naruto waved his bottle of rum around a bit wildly, once again gaining the attention of the bar, every person seeming to want to hear the story now. Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha naked? Naruto lying on top of him? It couldn’t get better than this. Sasuke’s eyes went wide as he heard Naruto. No, please, just no. He wouldn’t. Would he? No. No. Just no! He promised he wouldn’t tell! Naruto never broke his promises, right?

“His pale a** -hic- d**k sticking straight up and staring back me, dripping -hic- wet!” Wrong. Naruto didn’t give a rat’s a** about his promises when he was drunk. Now everyone in the bar was leaning closer, some already have nosebleeds. Some blushing. Most looking plain hungry for more information and details. Naruto was happy to fulfill their hunger.

“So I look back up, -hic- like really surprised! It's not every day I get an -hic- eyeful of Sasuke’s pale c**k with a hard on. -hic- So I look at him, all wide eyed and -hic- crap. He just keeps -hic- smirking, though if you wanna know the truth…” He spoke lower, though the whole bar could still hear him.

“His pale skin can’t hide even the lightest -hic- blush and both of his cheeks were at -hic- least cherry red! Though I bet -hic- he didn’t want me to know he was embarrassed. Kind of cute, isn’t it -hic-? My Sasu-chan can be -hic- really cute when he wants to be!” Snickers were heard through out the bar and Sasuke was literary trying to hide behind the bar counter, but the bartender was too amused to save him. Naruto took a gulp from his bottle, his grin lopsided and just looking plain stupid and well….drunk.

“So then I start to ask him what the -hic- hell he thinks his -hic- d**k is doing when he wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me down, -hic- smashing his lips against mine! Can you -hic- believe it? And it wasn’t a nice kiss -hic- either. It was really rough and he -hic- kept biting my lip until he -hic practically wanted me to swallow his -hic- tongue!” Gasps, laughter, snorting, coughing, and choking were all heard from the bar, even a few sobs from the fangirls. They were all gathered around Naruto now, who was loving the attention and living in the spotlight. He grinned at the room and took another gulp of rum, wrinkling his nose before laughing again and gripping on tightly to the bar counter.

“So I, of course,-hic- kiss back. I mean it’s not every -hic- day you get THE Sasuke Uchiha shoving his -hic- tongue down your throat. Soon he practically -hic- humping my -hic- leg, I guess trying to get some relief to his -hic- c**k. Which, believe me, its head was as -hic- red as his cheeks! This kind of -hic- pisses me off though, I mean 'cause you -hic- know when your dog -hic- humps your leg? Yeah, it was like that but with -hic- a lot more skin. And well it was just plain -hic- embarrassing! Who wants a pale assed, -hic- naked, b*****d, with a hard on going up and down on your -hic- leg? Well maybe that girl!” he pointed to a random girl who fainted on the spot, a pool of blood forming around her. Naruto nearly fell off his seat again, holding his stomach in mirth. He straightened up, wiping tears from his eyes and looked at the eager crowd, enjoying himself immensely.

“So I push him back and -hic- move down his body, untill I’m staring at his -hic- dripping c**k. It is kind of like a -hic- lollypop, you know? The head was the -hic- cherry flavored part and the rest was the stick that you know you just love to suck on a bit, even when the candy’s gone.” Naruto winked at the crowd, causing more girls to faint. Most people were shocked to silence, others had fallen to the floor in laughter, and a certain pervert in the corner seemed to be taking notes.

“So I take a lick, just to get a taste. –hic- I mean, who doesn’t want to know what -hic- Sasuke Uchiha’s hard on tastes like? So I -hic- lick it and let me tell you, it is not -hic- cherry flavored.” Naruto nodded to himself, licking his lips a bit, and taking another drink of rum. More snickers, more fainting, and just a whole lot of bleeding.

“But when I -hic- lick it, you know what happens? I get a face full of -hic- c**! Yeah, from one -hic- flipping lick! Can you say –hic- virgin? And the look on his -hic- face is just priceless really. He looks as if I just told him that I -hic- just bought him enough -hic- razors, black nail polish, and white arm -hic- thingies to hide the marks to fill his little -hic- emo heart’s needs. But at the same time he looks -hic- as if made an -hic- ‘uh oh’” Naruto is cracking himself up, tears are streaming down his cheeks and he is trying to gain his breath back. He isn’t the only one laughing like that. The bar is practically dying. Some are screaming for more. Naruto is just enjoying his rum, the attention, and a damn good story.

“Okay so there I am, -hic- Sasuke Uchiha’s c** all over my face, from one freaking -hic- lick. I -hic- look up at him and he is -hic- blushing again. So I, of course, do the most -hic- rational thing I can think of. Take a -hic- taste. Got to tell the -hic- fangirls what they will never get, right? Hey, I’m a -hic- nice guy like that! So I take a taste, and sadly girls, it isn’t -hic- cherry flavored either. Kind of salty …Well you know that -hic- taste you get in your mouth after a -hic- good workout? Yeah, it’s kind -hic- of like that. But -hic- I don’t know, it tasted pretty -hic- good at the time. So I lick it all off -hic- my face and I don’t think Sasuke can take my -hic- sexiness anymore and pulls me back up and hic- slams my lips against his. I personally think he wanted to see if he -hic- was cherry flavored for himself. It is always good to have a -hic- second opinion, right?” Naruto grinned again, though the room was starting to spin. He took another drink of rum, only to find the bottle empty. People are urging him on. He has to finish the story now. Can’t disappoint the people.

“Okay so I still have a -hic- hard on. Oh come on, you don’t expect me to have a hard -hic- on then? I bet some of you -hic- ‘straight’ guys have a hard on right now! But the b*****d only thinks of -hic- himself! Soon he is pulling me onto my feet, still pressing those slimy -hic- lips against me, still trying to -hic- choke me! So we are both standing now and he suddenly -hic- grabs a piece of my poor, poor jumpsuit and ties up -hic- my hands! Can you believe -hic- it? The poor b*****d has some weird a** -hic- kinks, let me tell you. He gathers up the rest of -hic- our clothes and starts dragging me through the -hic- forest, towards his huge -hic- a** mansion and well….I think you guys know -hic- enough. Maybe I’ll tell -hic- more next time. Make sure to bring me rum -hic- money next Friday!” He winked then shakily got to his feet, blinking when he didn’t see Sasuke next to him anymore. He looks around and sees Sasuke in the corner, his eyes closed, his face red.

“Huh? Sasu-chan? –hic- Come on…I got to get home before I pass out. –hic-“ Naruto said sleepily, poking Sasuke in the shoulder. Sasuke opened his eyes and Naruto whimpered as he saw the crimson eyes with the black commas floating around, glaring at him so much that he was sure that a hole was being drilled right between his eyes. Or maybe it was the on coming hangover warning him ahead of time.

“S-sasuke?” he said quietly as Sasuke stood up, still glaring, fists clenched at his sides. He cowered at his boyfriend’s glare.

“Naruto. You are never having another drop of rum in your life time or I will personally hang you from your balls from the ceiling.” Sasuke growled before grabbing him roughly by the wrist and dragging him out of the bar. Naruto gulped and followed him. He of course didn’t listen. Next week Naruto would just use the ole puppy eyes and promise Sasuke his ‘special move’.

Naruto always got his rum.

Besides…he was a lot more scared of a whole mob of perverts waiting for more yaoi goodness.

Evil fangirls or pissy Sasuke?

Rum it was.

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