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so what do i do? my mom doesnt stand up 4 herself... and my dad runs the house. i hate him... i am so sick of him being over protective, and just ebing a d**k all the time. i dont know how much more i can, or im gunna take. he wont let me do anything @ all.... and i cant even go to the improv. show... cuz he doesnt want to go, and doesnt understand it, and he wont let me go alone cuz he doesnt "trust" me or whatever. he thinks im gunna get pregnant.... or something. idk... hes just stupid. man... immagine the wake up call he is going to get when i move out, and when i stop taking orders from him.

i dont want to be one of those stupid rebelious teens... but hes making me lyk that. i cant live the rest of my life in a box. i hate it. and neither of my rents had to live lyk that. they were able to do what they wanted when they wanted. and i know i dont make the best choices all the time... but thats part of growing up.... learning the things u can and cant do... and im not learning anything. im learning how to sit still, not complain, and not make a sound. but thats not who i am....

im LOUD!!!! and i need to be seen and heard. and so i got caught haveing sex with my boifriend last year, and we got susspended for 2 days.... and now my rents wont let me do anything. its so annoying. they act as if they have never had sex before. and what are they worried about.... me getting pregnant? ok... me and my bf may be doing some dumb things... but we arent dumb people....we use protection....

but all of this is ok. cuz hes going to die soon of liver problems from his alcoholic ways..... thats dumb a**.... i kinda hate him.... a lot. and u knwo what the worst part about it is? hateing some one takes a lot of energy... and u have to put a lot into hateing them.... i think its harder than loving some one. cuz loving naturaly comes... but hate... shoot. u have to really want it. and idk. i guess i care about him, but i wish he wants a d**k, and i wish i was allowed to be me. there is always one thing in my way... him!!!!!

he went to tharapy to discover y i cut... and all this, and nothing worked for him. @ all. he asked me, and i told him y. and thats basicly all there is. i he didnt have to pay some lady to tell him the same thing i told him when he asked me. that was such a waste of time, and money. i hope he feels better, cuz i sure dont. i dont want to talk to people about my cutting. its just something i do. and something i need. and those that have never done it really dont understand. thats lyk saying u know how it feels to be on PCP or to be on LSD.. and u dont.... unless you have done it. u have to feel my pain. u have to be in the moment. u have to feel how it is to be trapped. and to be alone, even when every one is on ur side.... except for him. he kills it all. and he will never understand. he is so dingle minded... as most christians are. and he will never understand anyone but himself.

his life has been pain, and that doesnt mean mine has to be. he said that hes just looking out for me. but all these mistakes i have made help me look out for myself. i can walk on my own two feet, and i can stand and fight life as it comes to me. he leaves thw worst things up to me. the things i need help on he leaves me alone with. but the things i can handle he has to protect me from.

im sick of being with him. im sick of living under his law. and im sick of him treating me lyk less of a person. he talks to me about being the little kid and him being the adult... well dad... grow up, and then u can calim that title.