"I-it's ...I can't..I promised him not to tell you."She said.
"That's funny..Riku said that he promised you not to tell me."He said.
Sora: Isn’t that like... the exact same thing she said?
Riku: And when did I say anything like that?
"He did."She said.
"Is it Riku?"He asked.
"..."She didn't answer.
"Kairi,I need to know."He said.
"Y-yes."She said quietly.
Larxene: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN
Riku: *facepalm*
Kairi: *looks disgusted* What in the...
Sora: And this is exactly why we never watch daytime TV!
"When did this happen?"He asked.
"When I went to a party."She said.
"And I'm guessing that you got drunk and had sex with him?"He asked.
"Yes...it's all my fault."She said and she started crying again.
Kairi: Okay, back up. I’m too young to drink, I respect the law, and I’m waiting until I get married!
Riku: And even if she did drink, I have more respect for my friends than that!
Larxene: This is a soap opera, guys. Anybody who upholds any kind of moral standard already died in a car accident.
"Kairi..it's ok,I'm always here for you...but right now I have to go take care of something."He said.
Axel: *as Sora* Beating the s**t out of Riku.
Riku: Well, hell, this Riku deserves it.
"Sora I have to tell you something."She said as she wiped her eyes.
"Ok."He said.
"I'mpregnantanditcouldberikusoryours."She said it so fast that Sora didn't even have to blink.
Roxas: That doesn’t count as telling him.
"Say that again...but slower."He said.
"I'm pregnant,and it could be Riku's or yours."She said.
Larxene: See, Sora? Your wish came true!
Sora: That’s not my wish yet!!
Kairi: .... “yet”?
Sora: Um.... *clears throat* Moving on!
"Let's just hope that I'm the father."He said.
"..."Kairi couldn't believe what she just heard.
"I have to go now...I gotta take care of some one."He said and he walked away.
Axel: *as Sora* See, Riku’s come down with leukemia and I told his mom I’d take care of him until he gets better.
Larxene: *giggles knowingly*
Riku: Would you stop that?!
Kairi begs Sora to let him accompany her on his trip to the Beating Up Riku Store. They eventually share “the-best-kiss-ever” and drive over to Riku’s place. They find out from Selphie that Riku is inside. (Well duh, it’s his house.)
"What's wrong with him and are you back together yet?"Selphie asked.
"I don't know...Not yet."She lied.
Roxas: Because that “best-kiss-ever” didn’t mean anything.
"Oh."Selphie said. (A/n WARNING:THEIR IS VIOLENCE ON THE NEXT PART,if you don't want to read then skip.)
Axel: It’s violent!
Larxene: And educational.
Axel: But mostly violent!
Both: Yaaaaay violence!
Roxas: I don’t want to read it, so... *skips out of the theater*
"RIKU!"Sora yelled.
"In here."He said,Sora stormed to the bedroom.
"Oh it's you."Riku said.
"Yeah it's me...I know who it is."Sora said.
Sora: Like I just said, it’s me, is who it is.
Riku: Actually, that didn’t make much sense either.
"What're talking about."Riku said.
"You're the other guy,Kairi told me."He said.
"That b***h."Riku said.
Riku: *headdesk*
Sora: Now I know you did not learn that word in this household.
"Don't call her a b***h,you a**."Sora said and he punched Riku in the face.
Axel: What the hell? You called her a b***h too!
Larxene: Only Sora called her that to her face!
"What was that for!"Riku said.
"For having sex with Kairi."He said and he kicked him in the stomach.
"Yeah,I ******** her twice a week."Riku said and Sora kicked him harder in the stomach
Axel: Okay, that’s not the way to get him to stop beating you up.
Larxene: You know he likes it.
Riku: *dangerously* One more word out of you two, and I swear to God...
"No you didn't because I did."Sora said,Riku got up and he pushed Sora,Sora fell back and he hit the lamp.
Larxene: You know, technically they could both be doing her twice a week... there’s more than two days in a week.
"What's going on in here?"Selphie said and she walked to the room.
"Why are you guys fighting?"She asked.
Kairi: This shouldn’t be surprising, seeing as in the real world, they’re always fighting...
Sora: Purely for sport.
Riku: Naturally.
Sora: But we fight with swords.
Riku: We don’t do the whole “trailer trash fight” thing.
"Because,He cheated with Kairi."Sora said.
"You mother ******** asked you the other day if you were cheating on me and you lied."Selphie said and she slapped him as hard as she could.
Larxene: b***h-slapped!
Axel: You’re enjoying this too much...
Larxene: Shh! This is juicy stuff.
"But baby."
"Don't baby me,I'm leaving tonight."She said and she pulled out her suitcase.
Kairi: *sings* Train, train, take me away~ Take me away, far away~
"I love you."He said.
Sora: As much as anybody really loves anybody in soap operas...
Axel: Which is to say, he just wants her around for the sex.
Larxene: But he thinks about Kairi when they’re doing it.
Kairi: Oh, for – come on, you guys... *rubs her forehead*
"I used to,but I guess I don't now."She said and she pulled most of her clothes out.
"It's all your fault,Kairi...If you didn't get so drunk we wouldn't be in this situation."Riku said.
"Excuse me...I'm not the who wanted to have sex."She said.
Axel: *sings* She didn’t want to, he had his way, she said “Let’s go,” he said “No way...”
Larxene: *sings* Come on baby, don’t be afraid, if it wasn’t for date rape I’d never get laid!
"I do believe her more then I believe you."Sora said and he punched him as hard as he could,That knocked Riku out.
Riku: Oh, please. *gets up* C’mon, Sora. *points at his own face* Right here, as hard as you can.
Sora: What?!
Riku: I don’t think you could knock me out like that. Prove me wrong.
Sora: Come on, Riku, I’m not gonna—
Riku: HIT ME.
Sora: NO!
Larxene: Heads up! *punches Riku in the face in Sora’s stead*
Riku: *knocked back, but not knocked out* OW! GEEZ! I wasn’t talking to YOU!
Larxene: Somebody had to do it. *sits back down*
Snip: Sora and Kairi officially get back together. Two months later, Sora and everyone throw Kairi a surprise party and Sora and Kairi get engaged. Later, they go to the doctor to get a paternity test.
"I have good news and I have bad news."The doctor said.
Axel: The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!
"Ok."Kairi said.
"The good news is that Sora is the dad."The doctor said and Kairi started to cry.
Sora: Why’s she crying? I thought that was a good thing?
Larxene: She’s sad because the baby would have been pretty if it was Riku’s.
Sora: HEY!
"The bad news is that.."
Larxene: ... the other twin failed the paternity test.
Axel: It’s going to be born a Nobody.
Kairi: What do you mean “the other twin”?
