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for those of you who are intrested in the life of this idiot.. a lil story... imma have to use names so that it doesnt become a web...
aight its already time for both my friends proms, holly (shes as old as i am, the one that ive always been talkin bout and having her prom cuz apparently her home school goes by age, not grade so yea) and esthers (shes a senior, just another friend) and they dont really get along with each other. then one of hollys and mines friend, jakob (he WAS (propable keyword) probably in a better friendship than holly and me), was asked by esther if he wanted to go with her to her prom (cuz apparently esther likes jakob) and holly didnt like the fact that jakob said yea so she went and told jakob and jakob snapped on her and called her ugly and such things (yea yea ugly and maybe some other insignificant words (its not insignificant to me though) but still, iont like that) so holly told her brother (a real good friend of mine) matt and he basically told jakob to say he was sorry and stuff, which he did but didnt mean it so yea...
for holly its actually her family (excluding her parents) and me that she actually trusts, she doesnt trust anyone else, no matter who (unless they were like me, not braggin but im just sayin if they were like me they would be more understanding) until they prove that she can trust em (and it actually took me a bit to really get there) cuz shes had a real rough childhood and most everyone shes told before judged before they really got to know her and left her alone (not me, i stay, i promised her) and she couldnt really trust anyone else after so yea..
then when she told me what happened between her and jakob, i wasnt already doin well at the time (for some reason i felt even more homicidal that night, ionno why, and thats why i want a full moon (which should be comin in about 3-5 days)) and i felt like "aight hes definitely crossin hostile line there" and it pissed me off even more and now the thoughts haunt me and i hate it
if you actually knew me, youd know that 1 my personalities are really contradictory (like i said before, during the day im more carefree and the night, more serious) and 2 the personalities that i have dont belong in public whatsoever, cuz if i was like how i was durin the day all the time, i would be in a straightjacket, but if i was like how i was at night all the time, i would be in a jail cell for life or goin to death penalty and the only thing is, both personalities dont really care what others think its like "so what? iont care"
and holly thinks i might be depressed (not to offend me but just to help) and might need to see a psychiatrist (sp?) but yea right, no iont need professional help, i just need someone who really knows me to actually listen to me and find different ways around so iont feel like that as much