Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

mr johnson is coming mr johnson is coming mr johnson is coming for christmas
mr johnson is coming mr johnson is coming mr johnson is coming for christmas
she keeps singing it over and over and over again like some kind of bad dream only i know im awake and there is no way to avoid it shes so excited but she doesnt know she doesnt know what he did to me and i cant open my mouth to say it and no one can know because MOTHER wants a fresh start and MOTHER says GRANDMOTHER wants him there because she hasnt seen him and GRANDMOTHER doesnt know what happened so in order to keep the peace i have to stay and rock back and forth back and forth in my little corner to keep the thoughts from coming back of hands touching me rubbing me TOUCHING ME she let him touch me i kept saying it over and over and over again but no no no she wouldnt believe me and smiled and laughed and said KIDS THESE DAYS all she wants is attention isnt that it Tammy? attention attention what do you want for christmas? and then she saw him touch me and her face was like stone and then the tears came tumbling down from her solid face and she held me and said sorry sorry sorry i didnt care how could i have cared by then i had learned a very important lesson what is the human body really worth and who really care about how much it is worth except for whom it belongs to? so now he is coming over for christmas and MOTHER threw nervous glances over her shoulder at me and weak smiles and tells me its ok youre a big girl now and i smiled back and i said
OF COURSE. IT WAS OK THEN SO THAT MAKES IT OK NOW. grandmothers HAPPINESS AND grandmothers FEELINGS AND COMFORT ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN mine RIGHT? and i walked away and i could hear the silent tears come down
mr johnson is coming mr johnson is coming mr johnson is coming for christmas