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An intense bathroom conversation. Began with just a simple shower for me and my Twin, him waiting on the wings while I showered. We talked about bathroom manners for people and how bizarre I found it that people don't take shits in other people's home when they are invited.

Eventually, the conversation railed into being parents. It took me a moment to really answer the question and it went something like this:

"There was only one person that I truly thought about being a parent with. If I ever had kids, I want her to be the mother because I'd ******** love our children as much as I love that woman and that's a rather s**t ton to love someone." Added with a chuckle. I was washing my body while he asked me, so I took a peek and visually saw him crying a bit. He stepped out and I wondered what really moved him so badly to think that.

Once he returned, I stepped out to let him shower. I asked him where did he think of the question and said it was self-imposed on himself, wondering if he'd make a great dad. I smiled some and told him; "You'd make a better father than me or David. You have a genuine happiness about everything I could never ever deny it, something I even envy at times."

Soon enough, the conversation went back to her with him asking me to let go of her. And that's when I spoke with vigor in my chest...

"No one is allowed to tell me to get over her. No one. I don't care what they have been through what they've done... But until they've said goodbye with all of their heart to someone they deeply love, they can't tell me to do the same! You can tell me goodbye when every time you feel the fan, you're teleported back into her room with her in your arms. You can tell me to say goodbye when you get over her beautiful smile and bright eyes that wanted nothing more than you... You can tell me goodbye when you've loved someone for so goddamn long that nothing else ******** mattered. Maybe to her and to everyone else who looks into what happened, it was all fake for them... But unless those sons of bitches lived a day in my shoes, they can never understand how much those memories taunt me and mock me... How much I loved each day and night with her... How much I want them all back.

He said nothing and in fact... He was choking on tears. I... I don't know why he was so moved... Maybe he just really wants his twin to get over a woman who is only going to hurt him more and more in the future. Maybe he just doesn't understand the love I have for her...

All I do know is that I love him. I love everyone trying to help... But she taught me stubbornness and I CANNOT shrug away what I feel: I LOVE HER. Maybe one day, that love will fade from my heart and THEN I can say goodbye... But not today, not tomorrow, not for a very long time... So why can't people just understand...? If I'm forced to chew the reality she doesn't want me... Why can't people understand that I can't just walk away? Is love that foreign?