Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

biggrin crying redface scream eek twisted burning_eyes xp sweatdrop

THESE ARE JUST SOME OF THE EMOTIONS THAT COULD HAPPEN IN ABOUT 30 MINS OF TALKING TO PAUL. I SWEAR.... HE IS BIPOLAR. AND I JUST FIGURED OUT THAT MY EMOTION RELYS ON HIM. AND ONLY ON HIM. EVERY BIT OF EMOTION THAT I EXPRESS... EVER. IT ALL LIES IN HIS HANDS. WHEN HES EMO... I HAVE TO SPEND TIME MAKEING HIM HAPPY. AND WHEN HE IS HAPPY, THAN WE BOTH HAVE TO BE HAPPY FOR HIS SAKE... NO MATTER WHAT MOOD I AM REALLY IN. EVERYTHING IS UP TO HIM. EVERY LITTLE THING. ITS ALL ABOUT HIM. AND IT DOESNT JUST STOP @ EMOTION. JUST LIFE, AND OUR RELATIONSHIP IS ALL ABOUT HIM. THIS IS GUNNA EB A REALLY SELFISH EXAMPLE.... BUT IM GUNNA SAY IT ANYWAY.... OK. SO TODAY I WAS ALL LYK "BABE IM HORNY" AND USUALY THAT MEANS THAT HE CAN FOCUS ON PLEASING HIMSELF... AND THAT WHEN HES PLEASED THAN ITS ALL OVER, AND U JUST PUT UR PANTS BACK ON. BUT TODAY.... NONE OF THAT HAPPENED.... HE HAD FUN BY HIMSELF AFTER HE WAS DONE BEING WITH ME. I LOVE HIM AND ALL, BUT HE IS KINDA BECOMING DISTANT IN A WAY. IDK WHAT IS GETTING HIM SO HAPPY DOWN THERE...... BUT I GUESS ITS NOT ME ANYMORE. I GUESS I HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY HIS HAND. I GUESS IM NOT LIVING UP TO MY STANDARD. AND I HEAR I HAVE BEEN BECOMING DIFFERENT... AND I AM SHOWING HOW IM NOT VERY CONFIDENT..... IDK. MAYBE ITS NOT HIM @ ALL... MAYBE IM JUST DEFECTIVE.