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So I’ve finally come to the conclusion that no matter what, I can’t be happy. I don’t think I’m wired to be happy anymore. Even if I get something I think I want, it still doesn’t make me happy, I just find fault with it. Wednesday of this week, as I was leaving math class and heading towards the library, a guy comes up next to me and makes some comment about my jacket having cat ears. I remember the concepts of what he said, but I don’t really remember the specifics. It all happened so fast, and it took me off guard, so I guess that’s why I can’t remember specifics. Anyways, he asked me where I got my jacket, so I told him, thinking he wanted a jacket with ears and wanted to know where I got mine. I was wearing one of my Domo shirts that day, so then he made a comment about my shirt, saying something like “I see the character on your shirt. So are you into that kind of animated stuff?” I told him kind of, and then he said “Oh. Well, it looks good on you.” Then it hit me what this was really about. I was uncomfortable talking to him before, and now I felt super awkward. Anyways, he then started talking to me about Death Note, until we got to the next building over. He then asked what class I was going to, and I explained I was just heading over to the library to plug my laptop in. At that point, we parted ways because I guess his next class must have been in that building, because he went downstairs, and I continued to the library. I really wanted a guy to approach me, and had given up that one ever would, so I should be ecstatic about this, right? Well, I’m not. That’s where the “I’m never happy” theory comes in. The main reason I’m not happy about this is because he’s not cute. I mean, he’s not ugly, but he’s just very average. I know I’m not very cute, but I guess him hitting on me just put in perspective how average I really am, because I’m sure I can’t do any better. I’d like to hope I can get hotter guys than that, but in my heart I know I can’t. I mean, if he thought I was above his level of attractiveness, he wouldn’t have hit on me because he would think he didn’t have a chance, right? It’s too bad what I find attractive doesn’t better correlate with my own level of attractiveness, because I didn’t think I was super picky before, but obviously I’m still too picky. Honestly, the incident depressed me. It was just another reinforcement that I’m never going to find a guy because I’ve been in college over a month now and he’s the only guy to approach me, and I’m not even attracted to him. So if I don’t even really want what I can get, I guess I’m never going to get anything. But here’s the kicker: I just explained I wasn’t happy he hit on me right? Well, the next day (Thursday) he didn’t try to talk to me, and that made me unhappy. I thought “Wow, his interest was short-lived. Great.” Like I said, I just can’t be happy. Though, one possible explanation is that the only reason he got a chance to talk to me that day was because I was headed to the library, which is the opposite direction I normally go. Though, on Thursday, I think he left the classroom before I did, so that would mean he didn’t even plan on trying to talk to me. I hope I didn’t come off rude to the guy though. Even though I wasn’t really attracted to him, I don’t want to be mean. I think I have the tendency to come off rude a lot, but it’s just because I’m shy and I think I lack a lot of social interaction skills. Hell, maybe he wasn’t even hitting on me. Maybe he’s just a guy who likes to talk to new people and give compliments. I don’t know, I’m bad at judging those types of things.

In a related story, as I stated above, I said I was wearing one of my Domo shirts that day. Well, during my next class, a guy comes up to me and says he likes my shirt. He then shows me his shoes, which have Domo on them. They were really cool, which I told him. They looked like he made them, so I asked him if he did, which he replied yes. I told him how cool that was because it really was cool. His shoes looked legit. He said “Yeah, I’m a huge Domo fan,” and then promptly walked away. He was actually cute. So the not cute guy was interested in my shirt and me, but the cute guy was literally only interested in my shirt. Wow, how depressing is that?! That’s the story of my life ladies and gentlemen.

So while we’re on the subject of guys, there’s another thing I wanted to write about. Most of the days, after I get out of math class, I go sit in the lobby of the science building and work on homework. Because I frequent this area often, I see a lot of other people who frequent there regularly too. There is a guy there I see pretty regularly (I think Mondays and Thursdays) that I thought was kind of cute, but he looked older, and I just really didn’t think too much about it/him other than I noticed him regularly. Well, I think it was Thursday of last week, when I went out into the lobby and sat down, I noticed he was sitting in the next “sofa section” over. I started working on my homework, not thinking about him anymore than that. A few minutes later, the guy got up and moved to the couch facing me. I thought “Ok? Why would that guy just move a sofa section over? Weird.” I thought maybe it was because the two girls in his previous sofa section were talking and distracting him from the book he was reading. So he sat there, reading, and a few minutes later one of his friends came by, and I think they left together. Then, Monday of this week, I came out into the lobby, and he was the only one sitting in a sofa section composed of three couches, which was one of the less crowded sofa sections, so I took the couch facing him. A few minutes into doing my homework, he asked what I was doing. We started talking a little (I’m not going to bother trying to remember or write down the conversation), and I found out his name is Aaron, and he’s a senior (so he is in fact older, like I thought). So we exchanged small talk for a little bit, and then he left to go to class. The biggest thing he said was that he liked the way I dress, and made reference to the Daria shirt I had worn the last week. On Thursday, when I entered the lobby, I seen him there, so I went over and sat in his sofa section (though there was another girl sitting there too). We talked for a little, but then his friend came again, and they sat there talking. A little bit later, Aaron said to his friend (whose name is Juan) “Would you like to meet somebody?” He then introduced Juan and I. Juan said “Oh, Aaron told me about your name.” I was just like “Oh, yeah?” and kind of looked at Aaron, and he was like “Yeah, I told him I thought you had a cool name.” They then left together. So my main question is: does he like me? Like previously stated, I’m bad at reading there kinds of things, so I can’t tell. There’s evidence that could support that he does like me, but I could just be making that evidence fit in my head, having confirmation bias. Here’s a breakdown of the “evidence”:

Item #1: He moved to sofa in front of me when he was already sitting somewhere else.
Did he move there because he wanted to talk to me, but just didn’t get the nerve that time? Or was my original hypothesis correct and he just wanted to escape the noise? Or was there another reason completely that had nothing to do with me?

Item #2: Starting a conversation with me
Did he start small talk with me because he was interested in me? Did he start small talk with me because he was interested in me, but only in the fact that he “likes the way I dress?” Or is he just one of those people who just like to talk to other (often random) people, and the fact that he’s seen me around before makes me a better candidate for talking to?

Item #3: The compliment “I like the way you dress.”
Yes, this was a compliment, but in what context should it be taken? He just commented on my wardrobe, not on me, or even how my wardrobe looks on me, like that other guy. Did he mean for this compliment to be extrapolated to be more personal towards me, or is he just interested in my clothes?

Items #4: The fact he told his friend about me
The fact that he thought and/or mentioned me to a friend without me being present could normally be a sign of interest, but the thing here is that (as far as I know, at least) he was only talking about me because of my name. Assuming he literally said something to his friend like “Hey, I met this girl with a cool name,” then he would only be interested in my name. I mean, sometimes I tell other people about cool and/or stupid names I’ve heard, but that doesn’t mean I brought up their name because I was interested in them. Or could that fact that he brought up my name be interpreted as he was thinking about me because he was interested in me, but used only my “cool” name to bring me up, as to not to let his friend in on the fact that he’s interested in me?

Yeah, so I don’t know. All this “evidence” could go either way. I guess I’ll just keep trying to talk to him and see if I get any more vibes. Even if he’s not interested, maybe at least I’ll make a friend. Though, maybe I don’t want him to be interested in me. For some reason I get these vibes from him that he might be weird. I don’t know why, I just do. I guess I jus have to wait and see.