-Looking at the little fox-
I always thought you were here to pull me deeper into depression.
-The fox tilts it's head looking up-
And yet when I recover from that depression, no matter how long it takes. I miss seeing you.
I realize you are not real, most of what I see isn't real... So I figured it didn't matter anymore.
..... But you've been trying to ease away my suffering...
You are what is left of my sanity once I fall.
-Fox closing it's eyes in what would seem a happy expression showing it's understanding-
Or perhaps I am crazy. But it is nice to think I have at least one good illusion. One part of my mind trying to show me the path I should walk.
I've always feared walking a path alone, this is such a deep fear, and also a painful wound.
And betrayal. I have been betrayed so many times... One of which was yesterday... as I tried to figure out how it could be ended.
But just as my last entry had said. I thought of those I would never wish to lose, and than thought of how they would feel in that situation.
To be told someone who has played a vital role in their life has taken their own.
Than as I created this situation in my mind. I would have cast the blame on myself, thought to myself that I've done something to cause this terrible act, Or that I have never done anything to stop it, and most painful of all, that I never meant enough in the first place to stop it...
I could never wish this pain on any of my friends... I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies...
.....
But you already know this little fox.
That is why you were there than... and you are here now for a different reason. You are here now to tell me my choice to continue was a wise one, to tell me so long as there is someone looking out for me, a person so close that they would do all possible means to show me that I am leaving behind more than a terrible world. Even if it means to ignore me.
-Sits down and leans against the wall, fox jumping on my lap-
There is something worth living for.
I will protect this little fox with every last drop of my blood. Just as I will protect my closest friends. I want you all to know that even if I haven't told you everything, I have given you all the trust I can allow, and some to beyond that point. You all know who you are.
 Desilude · Tue Mar 01, 2011 @ 10:45pm · 0 Comments |
