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ok, little rant here, uhm..where do i begin..uhm...oh yeah...i just got a job, pretty great, working lots of hours even though it won't pay for any of the s**t i need to save for...my best friend has become an a** and is leaving me..again...after i warned them i'd leave and never come back if they did it again...so that's lovely, uhm..my friend just got out of a realtionship and wants to kill themselves..and i'm her second shoulder...yay...parents find me to be a brat and expect me to take more responsiblility...woo hoo....school starts and i need to pass to have credits to graduate this year..yippee...my self confidence is lower than normal so that explains alot.... my chest keeps getting imaginary holes in it at random times and i don't understand it... i have to apply for a college this year..fun..and despite all this crap and the stuff i haven't mentioned, i still have a doubt about my best friend from earlier in this rant, i still think he's gonna come back like he always does, but i don't want to go through this again if he does, so either hurt for a long time right now and maybe get over it later in life, or hurt for a few days over and over and over and over and over...dunno...it's hard to choose.... course every time it happens i get weaker...so i wonder if i give up, will i get stronger? and do i want to to get stronger and loose my best friend? or if trying to get stronger and loosing my best friend will that just make me weaker? it's confusing...and i don't know where to go...i think i'll just stay underground until i can grasp any ounce of hope truth and all that gaz....thanks for listening though..seeya...