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There is this cute little tuxedo cat that’s been coming around lately. I want him to be mine so bad. He is probably one of the most affectionate cats I've ever met. He can't seem to get pet enough, and he always rubs up against you and does that head-butt thing that is a way of showing affection for cats. And, oh, how he purrs! It's very cute: after I pet him, he'll be purring constantly for a while, but then if I reach down and pet him again, his purring revs up and gets louder. That's a way to melt my heart. I wish I could find even a fraction of the affection that cat has in a person! I'm probably going to be a crazy cat lady when I get older, because I really prefer cats to humans (most of the time). I wish I could make that cat a human. That way I could have a loving buddy to do things with. But, the more I think about it, I realize that if it was human, it would have a human thought process and emotions, so the cat probably wouldn't be quite the same. It would discover things like reading, drawing, and being on the computer...things I would sometimes rather do than pet it. Then it would do these things, and ditch me, just like any other human would do. It would be foolish to think I could keep her all to myself. Then I thought maybe it would be better if I could just become a cat. That way we could hang together, doing cat things. It would be awesome to be a cat, but I don't think I could stand being outside that much, and getting fleas, ticks, or whatever else that cat has. *sigh* Species barriers suck. I'm pretty sure the cat is female, but if it was human, I think I'd go lesbian and marry the cat. That sounded creepy, I know. I don't know, there's just something about this cat I really like. I guess part of it is the level of affection, adoration, and loyalty it shows. It's comforting. The other day, it was lying on the ground and I was petting it, and it started to grab my hand and play bite. I was fine with that because I trust the cat now, but she started biting a little hard, and all I did was say "Ow," and it stopped and started licking my hand. It was so sweet!

The cat also makes me feel guilty though. Every time I go inside from petting it, it tries to follow me inside. It's sad because it obviously wants in badly, but I just can't do that, and I want to. I want it to be my cat, so it can stay inside with me. I want it to sleep on my bed at night. I want it to lie on my lap when I'm typing this. I want to be able to pet it all it wants, without having to stop what I'm doing and go outside. The cat hangs out here a lot now, which is sad too. If it has a home it can be in, I want it to be there, safe and warm, instead of on my back porch, constantly meowing for me to come out and pet it.

My mom thinks that it might not have a home; it might have been dropped off. I thought about that briefly at one point, but I didn't think that would be true. Maybe I didn't want to think that. I thought it was the neighbor’s, because I've seen it in their yard a couple of times. My mom thinks that maybe it was over there looking for attention from them, but it's not necessarily theirs. That could explain why it's here a lot. If it's not theirs, then it must have been dropped off because it has no front claws, and is not skinny. It does eat some of the food I put out for the stray cats, but it doesn't seem to eat a whole lot, which makes we wonder where it's getting food then. If it is the neighbor's, I'd like to punch them for not properly caring for it. First, the cat is outside a lot, and it has no front claws. If a cat's going to spend any length of time outdoors unsupervised, it needs to have claws for things such as gripping when they climb stuff, and for defense. Secondly, that cat has fleas. I suspect they're pretty bad too. It itches like crazy and is being drove nuts. If you're going to let your cat outside at all, it needs flea protection! Duh! How ******** basic is that people?! When an animal is outside, if it has no protection, it will get fleas. Then, if it is theirs, they're not doing anything to get rid of them. If they let the cat inside at all, it's dragging all those fleas into the house...onto the carpet, furniture, bed, etc. Gross! I wouldn't want to be in that house! It really pisses me off when people don't take care of their animals properly, or, even worse, leave them, if that be the case. If I see the neighbors out and I'm semi-presentable, I'm going to go ask them if it's theirs. If it is, that will put my mind at ease that it has a home, especially come winter, and if it's not, then I can work on finding it a home. If it doesn't have a home, I'd love to keep it, but I know I can't. It can never come in the house, which wouldn't be right. Come winter, I can put it in the garage with a heat lamp, but that would still be miserable for it. The situation is starting to make me feel bad though. Well, part bad, part sad, and part guilty. I feel bad if it has a home, but is not being properly taken care of, and is spending a lot of time over here. I feel sad if it got dropped off, because that's terrible. I feel guilty because I can't give it all the attention it wants, and if it got dropped off, that I can't adopt it myself.

I guess I should just enjoy the chance to be able to spend time with it before I can find out some information.