Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

*Note: I didn't really proofread this entry, so sorry if there are a lot of errors*

It seems like my life is sucking pretty hard right now. Nothing seems to turning out right for me. Everyday just feels sterile, and I’m starting to feel like I’m walking through life not really feeling anything, rarely feeling above melancholy. Half of the time I don’t know why I feel this way, I just do.

The latest thing to really bring me down is the fact that I’m going to get a B+ in AP English. I try my best in that class, but lately it seems like it’s impossible for me to get an A on just about anything. My grade really started to slip with the last paper we turned in. I got a B- on it. A ********! I thought I deserved higher than a B-! Sure, maybe it wasn’t an A paper, just because it was more of a creative writing assignment and I’m not the best writer, but I know I tried harder than a B-, and I thought it turned out better than a B-. I thought I did a good of imitating the Kate Chopin’s writing style (as was the requirement), and I even included motifs and symbols that Chopin herself used in The Awakening. I put thought into my ending and thought it was plausible, but I guess the teacher didn’t think so. I felt my paper was at least a B+. Then we have to do “poem presentations” about once a trimester. Every time I get a 16/18, which is a B. He usually leaves comments about why he gave you that grade, and each time I try to do or work on whatever the issue was. This last time I thought I improved, because I really tried to work on fixing what he thought I did wrong the last time. Guess what I still got? A ******** 16/18 again. Seriously, if he would just give me one more point I could get an A on that assignment. But no, he just can’t do it. You have no idea how bad I just want to tell him to go ******** himself. Then, the kiss of death for my grade happened. We took a quiz, and I thought I did, but I bombed it. I got a D. My grade dropped by two percent because of one damn assignment. With my grade that far into a B+ now, and with only a day or so left of the trimester, I pretty much had no hope of bringing it up. He said he still had to enter a packet of questions that we did, so my grade could still go up, so I held out some hope. I checked my grade on the computer the next day, and my grade had ******** gone down another by another one percent because I got a B on the questions. It was kissing the sunny side of a straight B now, not even a B+. Once again, ******** you teach! So yeah, no hope of getting an A.

Then my mom decides to ask me if I knew my grade in that class. I figured there was no point in lying to her about knowing since I would get my report card within the next week or so, so I told her I was going to get a B. She asked why I was getting the B, and I explained that I a slight chance of being able to bring it up, but then I got a D on a quiz. Let’s just say she didn’t take that news well. She ******** flipped out. She was like “How the ******** can you get a D on a quiz?! Were you sleeping through the ******** quiz?! Or maybe you would have to forget how to read to get a D on the quiz!” I already felt like s**t about it, but her comments seriously just wanted to make me say ******** it and go jump off a building. Obviously, I tried hard and still got a D, so by saying I must have forgotten how to read to do that bad made me feel retarded, to say the least. I was hoping by telling her my grade now, it would just save some fury on report card day, but I’m not even sure about that now. I’ll probably have another freak out to look forward to. Can’t wait.

Not only does getting a B mean my GPA will drop now, but I’ll probably also lose my spot as second in the class. There’s I think at least a 3-way tie for second, so unless everyone ******** up too, I’m looking at at least 4th. Hell, I might be out of the top 10 altogether, you never know. God, I don’t know what I’ll do if I’m not in the top 10. It’s already devastating enough that I’ve worked hard for to keep 2nd place these last three years, but to totally lose the honor of being in the top 10 might be too much for me. I just don’t know.

But, all off this is pretty much the story of my life. I work hard and still can’t accomplish things I’m working for.