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An internal conflict is raging inside me right now...

My bus wasn't coined the molestation bus for nothing, but this whole week so far (today is Wednesday), the back has been about two steps away from an orgy. I'm actually enjoying it though, it brightens up my day. It makes me sad that I won't be ridng the bus tomorrow. Do I feel like a whore? Yes. Do I care? No. It's one of those things where "what happend on the bus, stays on the bus" (at least I'm hoping it's staying on the bus eek ).

There is one fellow, Nignog Jiggaboo, nicknamed by my friend and I (no, he is not of color), who I've had suspicions of liking me. He asked me to the Halloween dance back in October, but I didn't go with him because the dance was canceled. He's grabbed my boobs and my a** before, but especially this week it's felt like he was going to rip through my jeans trying to stick his fingers in my crotch.

Everyone must be horny this week because even Jon has come back on the scene. *Le gasp!* This is where my internal conflicts really start to rage. Yesterday Nignog was sitting kitty-corner behind my friend and I, and Jon was sitting directly behind me, in the last seat. Nignog was reaching across the isle (sp?) and fondling my a**, and I hear Jon tell him he can stick his hand up through the back of my seat (the front of his) and grab my a** that way. Nignog tries this, but it doesn't work well. Then, right before Jon's stop, I feel his hand trying to reach up through the seat. He wasn't really successful though, because as I said, it doesn't really work that well (my friend was oblivious). I about s**t myself, metaphorically speaking. All I can keep thinking is what the ********?! He treats me like s**t, and all of a sudden he's trying to molest me again?! Then today, I was one of the last ones on the bus, so I had to sit three-in-a-seat with these two other girls. Nignog was in the back seat and says I could come back there and sit on his lap (I would have done it, but the bus driver wouldn't have drove. Stuff like that has happened before.) Then Jon, sitting one seat kitty-corner behind me, says my name and taps his lap and says I can come sit there. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Back when I was talking to him, I would tell him to sit on my lap everyday, now he does it all of a sudden?! (As a side note, I remebered something else he said to me before that made me think he might like me. He doesn't swear much, so my friend and I asked him to say "********" one time, because we find it funny. Instead of just saying "********," he looks straight at me and says "I want to ******** you hard in the a**." wink

I'm just so confused about so many things right now.

First, I don't know if either Nignog or Jon actually like me, or if I'm just the bus's token whore. I want to talk to Jon again, but what if he acts like an a**? Then I'll feel like the a** for even thinking he would want to talk to me again. I still like him, even though I know I shouldn't, but even if he does start talking to me again, how long is it going to be before he starts treating me like s**t again?

Another thing I'm starting to stress out about is prom. I know it's still a couple of months away, but technically I should start shopping for a dress if I'm going to go. part of me really wants to, and the other part is saying "******** that." If my best friend does not go, then I'm probably not going to go because I don't want to be the only one there without a date, which I will be. And it's not like anyone has asked me yet. I always wanted to go with Jon, but now that's not happening. My friend says I should ask Nignog, but I'm not sure if she's serious or not. I'm thinking about it, just to have a date. If he really doesn't like me, then I'll be really embarrassed that I even asked. Plus, I don't know if he would take the money to go anyways, and I don't want to be turned down by him.

I'm still conflicted about thiongs, but I've had a couple of days to think about it since I started writing this. I guess I'm going to see if Jon says anything else to me, and if he does then I'll go talk to him. If not, then I'll ask around and try to find out if Nignog really likes me.